Him.

I met him throught net. I met him one day in person. I met him again the next day. We kinda clicked. I wonder before if he's the one. I wonder how long can this last.

Now, I seldom see him. We seldom contact. I fear the distance. I fear I'll lose him.

He. He's nice. But I don't know how far can we go. I wanna keep him close. I. I don't know why. I got so much fears. Will he leave me if I choose to be with another? Will we no longer be friends?

I don't even dare to choose. What kind of life is this? I'm wasting his time and energy. I'm sorry..

I. I'm just a lost lamb.

Him. He's a diminishing guiding light.

Where do I go from here? I'm stuck. At a cross road junction.

He.

He. He said he's leaving. He's leaving for US for 2years if nothing tie him down. A good opportunity to advance his career. I have no reason to stop him from going. My reason will be very selfish. I encouraged him to go for his own sake.


He. He said his dream is to join the UN medic. He said if there's nothing that he can't put down, he'll go. A good chance to fulfil his dream. I have no reason to tie him down. So, I encouraged him to go.


Both. They matter to me. Shouldn't I let them go ? I don't wanna be the one to hold them back. I can't be the one to obstruct their future. I'm just a nobody. But they means alot to me. Only when people wanna leave do people realised their importance. How much they meant.


I. I wanna say to them. Go. Don't hestitate. I don't wanna be your hindrance. Spread your wings and fly. I know I can't but don't be held back by me. 'cause good opportunity doesn't always come to you. Deep down in my heart. I felt the pain. I really don't wanna choose. I don't know how. Sometimes, it's not a good thing to have choices. But still... Go... Go ahead and do what you want. Don't care about me.


I'll survive.....

Routine work.

Everyday is almost same. Routine work. Sleep, work, sleep, work... Kinda boring. I can only add bits of more interesting details by dressing differently some day and eating different food.. Haiz...

How to make life more interesting? Going for courses like dance and cooking? Thought about it. But it's not suitable for my lifestyle now. Not yet. When will it be? I'm not too sure.

Sometimes I wonder, what will my life be if I'm got selected into SPF. How different will my life be? How different will I be? How different will my viewpoints be? How different will the people around me be? I really wonder.

What if my previous workplace never closed? What will I be now? How well will I be doing? How different will things be? I do wonder...

Only God knows.