Haiz..

Well, haven't been updating diligently. The 2nd interview had failed. Very disappointed.Although I did get another similar offer, the pay was total off. Turn me off at the very 1st sight.I left the place depressingly. Everyone thought I should be able to make it. I so much wanted to believe it too.Where did I actually gone wrong I didn't ask. Now I'm kinda stuck with this job. But kinda like it too. It couldn't be a life-long career could it? My friend is trying hard again to pull me in. I fear the worst. It's gonna tear our friendship again. I know she wants to help. But It's really not whether I should give it a shot or for any reasons. I just don't want to. I might not have any aims and goals, career or hope, whatever... But I really don't want to go in. What do I have to do or say to make her understand? I appreciate her concern and help. I really do. But I really don't need it. I don't want it. I really don't care how successful other people are. I really don't care what it will benefit. I really don't want it. I really don't. I'm getting tired of it. Just a mere mention of it makes me a bit sick. I don't want to waste effort and time. I know she don't mind. But I mind. It really might tear the friendship. I don't want that to happen again. I really don't... ...Don't force me. Please don't... ...