My Story, My Life...
When everyone is done with a big celebration, a little baby girl was brought into the world crying. She is dark, big eyes and cute dimples. Everyone says she is a baby from another race, picked up from rubbish dump. She is talkative and she loves new books(even assessment books and school textbooks) and reading. When it was time to buy new textbooks for the new grade(ie primary 1 to primary 2), she always finished reading all the English and Science textbooks even before school starts. She would also have finished reading her elder sister's(who is 2 years older) English textbooks. Nope. She does not like to read Chinese words. Chinese class tests papers? She actually tore them up and tossed into the bin. She failed anyway. She had tuition class for English, Maths and Science. She loves to hide under her tuition teacher's big marble table. She excelled in English and Science, but never Chinese and Maths.
Time to go to a new school. Unfamiliar environment. Managed to make new friends. Always hang around together. She finally got brave enough to join what she always dreams of doing. Dancing. No one knows her. Nothing to be embarrassed about. She was happy. Lots of new choreography, performances. Got awards. Felt fruitful and memorable. However, she was disappointed when she went to a class not of her choice in secondary 3. Upset. Despair. Gave up. Grades dropped. Learnt something new. Accounting. Got interested. Tried her best to score.Not too bad. This laid the foundation for her future. Fell in love with one guy from the pioneer batch who had to retain for another year. Sweet 16 puppy love. Did not last long. Upset that she had to pay for tickets to the school 5th anniversary concert for him so he would come see her perform on stage. Upset that he felt embarrassed about her performing... Broke up... Sad. Her 1st heartbreak... O'levels. Passed. Time to leave school...For a short period of time, a new guy. But. Somehow, not suitable.. So... Heartbreak again... Sighz...
Went to a course totally way out of her liking. Very disappointed. The school is so far.. Very upset. Luckily, an activity of her interest. She hang on. It was only there she felt a sense of belonging. Met this guy in class. 5yrs age difference. Fell in love.However, problems arose. She suffered serious heartbreak. Affected totally. Missed classes, tests and then exams. Became PHD(Poly-halfway-dropout). Yes. She did not left the school voluntarily. She was kicked out. Nobody actually know the truth. She shut herself away from the world for 3 whole months. One day, a good friend called to ask if she wanted to work in a cafe. From there on, she worked a long long time. She was happy there. She simply can just multitask, from waiting tables to PR, from bar-tending to cashiering, from simple book-keeping to kitchen helper, from chef's little assistant to dishwasher. Anything, everything. But then, this period was also her most confused period. Boyfriends changing like changing clothes. No idea what she wanted and what she is doing. Eventually, met someone on the job. Quite decent. Best part, they shared a common interest. There, love blossomed. Went on for quite a while with the common ups and downs. Still, she broke his heart by breaking up with him. Sad. But had to move on..
Times changed and so do jobs.. Left the cafe and went to a wine lounge to work. Pretty interesting. Boss like and trust her. Learnt new things. But then because of some issues, she went jobless overnight. She went home. Totally lost. What was she gonna do? Good news. She got herself another job. Pub near home. Well, learnt more things and drink even more alcohol. Bad. Had a new boyfriend. Left the pub unhappily and eventually left that loser who treated her like a maid, a slave. When she left the bugger, she actually had a new full-time job. Her 1st daytime job. She was unhappy with her company but she hung on. She studied part-time in hope for a better career. She hung on very strongly. She made couple of good friends along the way. Real good supportive people. She finally finished her diploma. Time to go~
1st accounting job. Her foundation for her career. Felt insulted. Such a big company. Such low HR standards. She felt sad. Private qualification gets lesser pay. She was told straight in the face. How could they? She did not buy the cert. She studied for it. Nevertheless, she swallowed the insult and carry on. More insults. Her foundation back in secondary school days came into very good use. She swallowed more insults and hung on. She needed the experience. Her love life then was good. A boyfriend who adored and pampered her. Plans and thoughts of marriage. Happy. One day, she cried the night after work appraisal. More insults... She drafted her resignation and sent resumes in tears... She managed to get a new job quite quickly in a competitor firm. More insults when she tendered her resignation. Stupid loser... Get lost!!
New company. Heavy workload spoilt her health. Intense gastric pain. She could hardly moved... She had wonderful superiors, seniors and colleagues. Very nice, approachable and knowledgeable. No insults. Unfortunately, no idea what was she thinking... She would not find such nice people to work with anymore. Left... Her love life crashed too. Went into a state of near depression. Suicidal thoughts lingering. Terrible. At then, she was studying for her part-time degree. Money was a very big issue. Along came a new guy and did not work out too. Burnt out all her savings. Total lost. More suicidal thoughts. No one to turn to. Lost.. So lost.
Managed to pull herself upright again. Still weak. But surviving. Now, almost a year into new job. Still unhappy. Why? More issues. How to be happy once again... She lost once again, another relationship...Great.....................
She was looking through some very old photos of her old self. She noticed although she did not look pretty back then, she found her own smile. Genuinely happy. She compared to her current self. Smiling. But, lost the shine. Faces have changed. All grown up. But why is she feeling more lost than ever. She has not found her sense of belonging yet. How? Where? Who? When? What? Questions more than answers.
Expectations come with disappointment most of the time.
*~*~* My Story, My Life...(To be continued...)*~*~*
posted by Pinkcess Night Elf at 3/26/2010 12:43:00 AM
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