Looking back at the past post,
3 years had passed. When I looked back at past posts, I laughed and I cried. I
guess I really grown a lot. I fell a lot but I managed to pick myself up, dust
my dress and move on. Some falls were very hard. So hard that I never thought I
can get up again. Took a lot of effort to get up and move on. Giving up is not
easy too. Had too much to worry about.
Fairy
tale doesn't happen in real life, at last not for me. At the end of the story,
it's always happily ever after - The End. Happily ever after happens only in
the book. Once you close it, it's just The End. Do you feel the emptiness I
felt after finishing a book? Well, at least I had some good memory to keep.
Love is blind. I don't know if that was love. I know I put my
heart in. I ignored all the sirens going off in my head. That was the stupidest
thing I ever did. How can I not trust my own gut feelings? I put trust (and hope)
in the wrong person. How can I be so silly? Look what I have done to myself.
Such a heavy price to pay.
After crying, I can only move on and I have to move fast. I
tried my best. It's not enough. I felt so tired. I really feel like ending it
all. But by doing so, it will not really end things. It's just passing it on to
the next person. I couldn't do that. Just have to bite the bullet and make the
best out of it.
In 2015, I decided to move out of my comfort zone and challenge
myself. I do not know it that was a bad move because I start to doubt my capabilities. Did
I over-estimate myself? It was a hellish period. It ended in tears and worries
and countless worries. I took 2 days to cool down and re-plan. Final decision
concluded and a sense of relief washed over me. I told myself to remain
positive and strong. I am grateful to have friends who gave me support and the
strength to stay up. True enough, an opportunity came up and here I am. I
learnt to cherish every opportunity that comes along. We all know we shouldn't
take things for granted but how many of us actually practice that?
This year, someone came along and took a place in my heart. It
was a difficult relationship because of distance. I treasure every moment we
had together. Just the thought of him can make me smile. Good times don't last.
It ended as fast as it came. My heart shattered and tears rained. Trying to
hold back tears is as exhausting as crying. My BFF encouraged me. We agreed
that I will just be sad and cry for a week. Then I have to get up and move on.
I felt lost. I kept wondering why but so what if I know why. It's not going to
change anything. I didn't want to ask more. If he will feel happier that way,
then I will let him go. I can only wish him all the best. I felt twinge of
jealousy whenever I imagine him holding hands happily with another girl. How
can my heart still feel so painful after all, this is not my first heartbreak.
Day after day and week after week, occasionally, I still feel
hints of sadness. Time will heal right? I will be better and stronger. Soon...
。。。时间是治疗一切的良药。 日子久了，慢慢的什么都冲淡了。。。
