A bad, new start?

Well, work's gonna start this coming thursday. Kinda dread it. But I need the money. Gonna work with that useless Empress Dowager. What am I gonna do? Can I survive? I need the money badly. I'll just have to cope, isn't it?

It's not really a new start. A new start will be leaving that place and finding a brand new environment to work in. I hate having to start all over again. Everything back to zero, except me. My thinking.. It's stuck nowhere. My beliefs. Are nowhere either.

It's so dark now. No. Not the sky. It's my world. I can't see anything silver linings. When are they gonna show? I need just that little bit of light. Just a little. Is it too much to ask? Or could it be that I have already drawn down the curtains and shut out all lights. Maybe I have found comfort in the dark. Have I? I don't know.

The things I have love. They are gone. I am capable of bringing them back into my life, but I have no energy. Non at all. They are waiting for me aren't they?

Sometimes when you lose something, if you are lucky, it will be back to you. But if you are unlucky, it will be gone forever. Worst still, it lingers where you can see, everywhere, anywhere, but just out of reach of you. It's worst than lost forever. It's there. Just there. right in front of me. But help!! I can't reach it!!

I'm desparately needing some directions. I'm stubborn. I have my pride. Maybe I have already refused all directions offered.

Now, lost and nowhere to go.