It's a rainy day entry...

It's been raining the whole day. The air's so cooling. Refreshing. I'm sure the greens are appreciating the rain more than humans do.

Rainy days always bring thoughts. It seems that I always have some thoughts running round in my mind on rainy days. No idea why.

What kind of thoughts? Hmm... People. Past events. Future. Imaginating the impossible. Sweet and bitter.

Pondering over a question now. What am I? Ya, it's what am I, not who am I. Other than human being, what am I? What kind of person am I? I know I don't like to be lonely. I don't like to be left out. I like to be cared for. My horoscope says I'm attention-seeking. Am I? Well, sometimes I do, I guess. Ocassionally, I just wanna be the backdrop. It gets a little embarassing to be on the front sometimes. I cared for friends. I like to do little stuff to make them smile. Sometimes, in the process of it, I'll get myself fustrated and unhappy. When the end product is well-appreciated by them, only then you'll see smile on my face.

Reflecting on the past. I get very disppointed with myself. I'm sure I have disppoint lots more other people like my parents and mentors. It's scary. The little difference in thought and the decision changed my whole life. Often, I'll ask myself. What would I be now if I haven't made those decisions? I believe it might be whole lot better. Basking in the stage lights, and feeling the success by hearing the applauds. That was what started me towards Dance.
I made the choice to drop that. Maybe I'm just too lazy? Maybe Dance wasn't my passion after all? Maybe I don't make the cut? Maybe and maybes...

Now, it's a start, all over again. To start is tough. To re-start is even tougher. Can you imagine how much effort and courage I have to gather to make this re-start? It wasn't easy. Nothing is easy. Lucky for me, although I have 'friends' who pretended they cared and all the while discouraging me, I made some true friends along the way.
You don't know how gladful I am. I don't know how else to let them know other then putting in all my best and making things work for myself.

It gets tiring after a while. They are my motivation. My fuel. The momentum must not stop. Once it stops, it will be hard to get it rolling again.

What about love? Somebody told me Love, Feel are realistic... I felt otherwise. All these dreamy stuff like love, romance, feel, chemistry..etc are all idealistic. Not gonna say they are unrealistic. They are there all the time. It's like a bonus to have them. Well, at least I feel so.
I do believe in one thing, chemistry. For me, no chemistry, no love. Akalline and akalline.. Not much of a reaction do they? Acid and akalline, gives you water and a salt. That's why they say opposite attracts.
Relationships are not that important now... When I was younger, I feel I need a relationship. Not that I don't want one now. Back then was more like a need. :p
Now, it's more like a want. I will survive without or without one.
Nowadays, guys are so hard to understand. Seems to be playing mind games like girls used to do. Bad karma.
It's like not here, not there. Then where? Where?

Study study study... Don't think so much... What is mine is mine. What will come will come.