This. Is Me. And Myself

Don't know.

2010-12-06T01:24:00.001+08:00

Felt like updating blog. But suddenly, I don't know what to write...

September

2010-09-19T19:33:00.000+08:00

Ended in August 31st. New start to new hope on 06 September. Is it really a a new start to new hope? Or is it a new start to a new nightmare? It's half of both... Fast, faster and faster. Can I catch up? Struggling I think. Trying. Gotta try hard. Harder and faster... Can I make it through? I'm scared...

The roller-coaster is here again... I don't want... Mind & Time. Invest in more important stuff. What are actually more important?

*~*~*~*孤单，寂寞陪伴我左右。*~*~*~*

Happy Birthday. not?

2010-08-09T01:28:00.001+08:00

Why do I feel a sudden pain and sadness from within... ...

*~*~*Happy Birthday to Myself*~*~*

Generation Y - Born after 1980s

2010-07-24T22:42:00.000+08:00

Characteristics:

Need flexibility,remote work & remain connected 24/7. Prefer work life balance. Confident & achievement oriented. Prefer e-Learning, webminars than traditional lectures.

Motivations:
Team-orientated environment, frequent communication, reassurance,praises & immediate feed backs. Liked to be included & involved. Tech-savvy, optimistic,creative. Enjoy efficiency using multiple technologies. Impatient with career growth.

Preferred Management style & Work environment:

Appreciate Fun at work. Incorporate humour & games into work activities. Not afraid to question authority. Prefer mentor over boss. High expectation from mentor over boss. High expectation from employers. Multi-taskers. Prefer communication through email and text over face to face interaction.

*~*~*From HRM Magazine, July'10 issue*~*~*

Successful

2010-07-03T21:08:00.000+08:00

I think I am good at pushing away all the eligible bachelors. Well-done! At least there's something I am good. at.

我想。。。

2010-06-28T01:15:00.000+08:00

不知乘几何时，想要努力放下过去的念头越来越弱。。。

虽然，每天都喜皮笑脸，其时过得很痛苦。。。

时常会有想要放下一且，然后带着护照和自己跑到国外去。。。

可是，这只能在梦里实现。。。

没办法。。。

该做的还是得做。。。

人是否背腹了太多责任？

还是人自己活该，要求的太多？

没了责任，没有要求，会不会活得开心一点，轻松一些呢？

那会不会变得沉闷，无趣呢？

太多问题，却没有答案。。。

还是别想太多吧。。。

该来的，会来得。。。跑不掉。。。

~*~*~*想多了。。。变苦了。。。*~*~*~

一点感触。。。

2010-04-25T02:50:00.000+08:00

突然想哭。告诉了自己要天天开心。不知为何会想哭。。。可能想起一些事吧。
该是时后释放埋藏在内心已久不开心的事。。。放下心灵的包袱，才能活的更快了。

夜空里的点点星光，一闪一闪的。好像也同意我的想法。

*~*~*放下了包袱，彩虹就会出现吗？*~*~*

My Story, My Life...

2010-03-26T00:43:00.003+08:00

When everyone is done with a big celebration, a little baby girl was brought into the world crying. She is dark, big eyes and cute dimples. Everyone says she is a baby from another race, picked up from rubbish dump. She is talkative and she loves new books(even assessment books and school textbooks) and reading. When it was time to buy new textbooks for the new grade(ie primary 1 to primary 2), she always finished reading all the English and Science textbooks even before school starts. She would also have finished reading her elder sister's(who is 2 years older) English textbooks. Nope. She does not like to read Chinese words. Chinese class tests papers? She actually tore them up and tossed into the bin. She failed anyway. She had tuition class for English, Maths and Science. She loves to hide under her tuition teacher's big marble table. She excelled in English and Science, but never Chinese and Maths.

Time to go to a new school. Unfamiliar environment. Managed to make new friends. Always hang around together. She finally got brave enough to join what she always dreams of doing. Dancing. No one knows her. Nothing to be embarrassed about. She was happy. Lots of new choreography, performances. Got awards. Felt fruitful and memorable. However, she was disappointed when she went to a class not of her choice in secondary 3. Upset. Despair. Gave up. Grades dropped. Learnt something new. Accounting. Got interested. Tried her best to score.Not too bad. This laid the foundation for her future. Fell in love with one guy from the pioneer batch who had to retain for another year. Sweet 16 puppy love. Did not last long. Upset that she had to pay for tickets to the school 5th anniversary concert for him so he would come see her perform on stage. Upset that he felt embarrassed about her performing... Broke up... Sad. Her 1st heartbreak... O'levels. Passed. Time to leave school...For a short period of time, a new guy. But. Somehow, not suitable.. So... Heartbreak again... Sighz...

Went to a course totally way out of her liking. Very disappointed. The school is so far.. Very upset. Luckily, an activity of her interest. She hang on. It was only there she felt a sense of belonging. Met this guy in class. 5yrs age difference. Fell in love.However, problems arose. She suffered serious heartbreak. Affected totally. Missed classes, tests and then exams. Became PHD(Poly-halfway-dropout). Yes. She did not left the school voluntarily. She was kicked out. Nobody actually know the truth. She shut herself away from the world for 3 whole months. One day, a good friend called to ask if she wanted to work in a cafe. From there on, she worked a long long time. She was happy there. She simply can just multitask, from waiting tables to PR, from bar-tending to cashiering, from simple book-keeping to kitchen helper, from chef's little assistant to dishwasher. Anything, everything. But then, this period was also her most confused period. Boyfriends changing like changing clothes. No idea what she wanted and what she is doing. Eventually, met someone on the job. Quite decent. Best part, they shared a common interest. There, love blossomed. Went on for quite a while with the common ups and downs. Still, she broke his heart by breaking up with him. Sad. But had to move on..

Times changed and so do jobs.. Left the cafe and went to a wine lounge to work. Pretty interesting. Boss like and trust her. Learnt new things. But then because of some issues, she went jobless overnight. She went home. Totally lost. What was she gonna do? Good news. She got herself another job. Pub near home. Well, learnt more things and drink even more alcohol. Bad. Had a new boyfriend. Left the pub unhappily and eventually left that loser who treated her like a maid, a slave. When she left the bugger, she actually had a new full-time job. Her 1st daytime job. She was unhappy with her company but she hung on. She studied part-time in hope for a better career. She hung on very strongly. She made couple of good friends along the way. Real good supportive people. She finally finished her diploma. Time to go~

1st accounting job. Her foundation for her career. Felt insulted. Such a big company. Such low HR standards. She felt sad. Private qualification gets lesser pay. She was told straight in the face. How could they? She did not buy the cert. She studied for it. Nevertheless, she swallowed the insult and carry on. More insults. Her foundation back in secondary school days came into very good use. She swallowed more insults and hung on. She needed the experience. Her love life then was good. A boyfriend who adored and pampered her. Plans and thoughts of marriage. Happy. One day, she cried the night after work appraisal. More insults... She drafted her resignation and sent resumes in tears... She managed to get a new job quite quickly in a competitor firm. More insults when she tendered her resignation. Stupid loser... Get lost!!

New company. Heavy workload spoilt her health. Intense gastric pain. She could hardly moved... She had wonderful superiors, seniors and colleagues. Very nice, approachable and knowledgeable. No insults. Unfortunately, no idea what was she thinking... She would not find such nice people to work with anymore. Left... Her love life crashed too. Went into a state of near depression. Suicidal thoughts lingering. Terrible. At then, she was studying for her part-time degree. Money was a very big issue. Along came a new guy and did not work out too. Burnt out all her savings. Total lost. More suicidal thoughts. No one to turn to. Lost.. So lost.

Managed to pull herself upright again. Still weak. But surviving. Now, almost a year into new job. Still unhappy. Why? More issues. How to be happy once again... She lost once again, another relationship...Great.....................

She was looking through some very old photos of her old self. She noticed although she did not look pretty back then, she found her own smile. Genuinely happy. She compared to her current self. Smiling. But, lost the shine. Faces have changed. All grown up. But why is she feeling more lost than ever. She has not found her sense of belonging yet. How? Where? Who? When? What? Questions more than answers.

Expectations come with disappointment most of the time.

*~*~* My Story, My Life...(To be continued...)*~*~*

夜深人静时。。。

2010-03-13T04:10:00.002+08:00

夜。感觉孤单。静。脑里的丝绪飘浮不定。

当我最需要关怀时，我却发现不会有人像你一样给我无私的关爱。。。
当我迷失方向时，指引我路的只有路旁的告示牌。。。
是我错了。。。错过你的爱。错过我能拥有的关爱。你的忒心，你的温柔。。。是我错了。。。

无奈。我想我得试着自己关爱自己。迷失方向时，自己找出路。不靠别人。只有自己。。。
迷茫的未来。是希望还是失望？

*~*~*迷路的小羊想回家。。。*~*~*

Wonder why Wonder how

2010-02-12T01:47:00.002+08:00

2010 hasn't been exactly smooth for me. I wonder why... Was it decision making failure? Or planning failure or failure to plan? I wonder how to make things smooth and straight... I cannot take it much longer. I feel depressed... No no.. Depression. Please go away. I don't have time for you. Go away.. Stay away.. Don't ever come back... Please...

CNY & VDay are just round the corner. I can't feel the atmosphere anymore. Is it because of age?Is there nothing to look forward to anymore? Heart felt cold once again. Never felt so cold before... Lost the capability to feel again... Help.. I need help... Someone. Anyone... Help me.. Save me from the cold dungeon... I don't know how long can I stand it.

*~*~*一个冰冷的世界，一颗冰冷的心*~*~*

失去的不再回来？

2010-02-07T04:15:00.001+08:00

说失去的就不再回来。是真的吗？梦想，目标，执着，意力，坚持，是不是不再回来呢？
该如何是好？开始迷失了方向。一路走来碰见了很多诱惑和助碍。好辛苦。有时后真觉得太多选择不一定是件好是。选择把简单负杂化。。。

需要找回失去的方向。。。

这一刹那，心好酸，好酸。。。

神啊，救救我吧~

夜精灵好想再次飞舞，舞出一幕幕的精彩。

2009-12-06T19:04:00.001+08:00

The extension and beyond

2009-09-06T14:30:00.003+08:00

Ya, the damn time has to be extended. What to do? Performance not at the satisfiable level. Have to just hang on for now. I wish I got more courage to do what I felt I could have done. It's just not the right time to do so. Felt awfully down for a while. An unknown tension hung in the atmosphere. Will it go away soon? It's hard to breathe.

Fortunately, away from there, there's one. One comfortable zone. Nice fresh air. Taking deep breaths again and again. It's nice to have a zone like that. I'm gladful for that. But will the zone someday fade away without warning? It's balancing pretty dangerously on the edge of a cliff. All it needs is 1 little push and off it plunges down into the darkness of the valley. I'm scared.

Once again, 1 blinking beacon appears. But then again, is it there for me to light up my path all the way till end? Will it vanishes as sudden as it has appeared? The future is filled with unknown. Planning just ain't enough. Lower my expectations so that I wouldn't get disappointed?

*~*~*Just this once. Don't take my light away*~*~*

27

2009-08-10T13:31:00.002+08:00

Life as a 27th year old.. As moody & plain as ever... Sick, upset and sick...

If I ever left without a chance to say goodbye,
Dear Family, I don't know what to say. Just take care.
Dear Mr Exotic, Babe & Mr Lee: U guys had been great friends. I'm truly grateful to have met you all.
Dear Professor, I admire you & your work.A fantastic role model for all.
Dear Friends, it has been a great pleasure to meet u guys at different points of my life.
Dear colleauges, thank for the guidance & all the fun we had. It's a pleasure working with you guys.

No boyfriend/husband or fiance now.. So... Ya. That should be pretty much for now.

*~*~*Turning point of life. Where?*~*~*

Roller Coaster ride

2009-07-19T21:13:00.003+08:00

I'm scared of roller coaster rides. My mood had been going like a roller coaster ride. It's scary. It scares me.

I'm starting to learn to let go the past bit by bit. I hope the ghosts of the past don't come back and haunt me. I have already known letting go is the only way to be happy. But knowing it and actually doing it, is another story. What is done cannot be undone. Have to learn to accept and move on. This is Life.

I have believed that there wouldn't be any reason to smile again. Someone, anyone, is welcome to prove me wrong.

Work is pretty ok though. Failure in r/s, success in career? Maybe? Maybe not. Studies might not be too smooth. I have to defer the next trimester. I'll take longer to graduate. I hate to have to do this. But there isn't much choices. Well, I guess I'll have to take it as a break. School holiday for me.

Life is unpredictable. I must learn to enjoy every single day. When the Day comes, I'll go knowing I've tried my best in this life.

*~*~*Accept it. Learn from it. Move on.*~*~*

Awful feeling wrapping around me...

2009-07-07T23:52:00.002+08:00

I felt so awful lately... Everything is so emotionally overcharged. I'm burning out... It feels so terrible. Could hardly breathe... The awful feeling tighten around my throat squeezing all the breath out of me and pushing all the tears out threatening to overflow...

I wanna find a corner to hide. Just myself. I wanna cry out loud. Just alone. Too many things happening together and over the years, every now and then, this and that adds on... Just build on and on. I'm feeling so tired... So awful...

*~*~*Please make all these awful feeling go away*~*~*

When you leave the fridge door open for too long, what will happen?

2009-06-20T22:29:00.002+08:00

Everything will spoil. True enough. It did. How silly I am. I were silly before and I am still silly now. Crap. When will I ever learn?

How could I let myself be hurt by unreasonable and baseless insults again? Of all people, how could you do that? You really wanna push me off the brim into darkness don't you? Ha. Thanks a lot for that. I don't know why I even bother shedding tears. I must be crazy.

*~*~*All that pain...Will they ever end?*~*~*

Please clear the weeds because this plant here is dying

2009-05-06T23:50:00.004+08:00

I feel awfully depressed lately. Plenty of negative stuff just added up together. This feeling is choking me. It tightens around my throat threatening to cut of air. It worms into my heart, stabs at it. It pushes it way through my tear ducts and swims in my eyes.

I have no idea how I lived this life. I totally waste it. What am I doing? Sometimes I just find myself in the same situation over and over again. The best part? I kept choosing the wrong solution over and over again. What about that 'once bitten, twice shy' thing? Doesn't seems to occur on me?

In the primary school days. It was competition everyday on everything. It's the environment I grew up in I guessed. No matter how well I do, I can never reach the targetted goal. The goal was not even set by myself. I guess no one cares anyway. It's just life isn't it? Most people went through the same and survived. So did I, didn't I? How much of myself was left then?

In the secondary school days. I set my own goals. I attempted to reach them. I did at a point of time only to get utterly disappointed. I didn't manage to get into the class I want. I gave up hope. What's the use of working so hard for nothing? After the Os, it just get 'better and better'.

Gotta start earning my own pocket money. See the working world a bit. Then came the Poly days.
It was once of the worst and best school days of my life. I found a place to be in my TKD. A place that I belonged. The worst? I dropped out of school for one stupid reason. One very very stupid reason. At that point of time, I were so lost. The pain. I cannot describe. I have no support from anyone. I felt so lonely. I don't know what to do.

Along came dance school. Doing something I loved. I worked and I danced. Almost everyday, work and dance. I felt happy. But then, I don't know what went wrong... Everything just collapsed on me. I became lost again...

After that, it's just about work. I worked happily in this little restaurant. Finally, a second place that gave me a sense of belonging. It felt like home. I could just work for free and I were still happy. This is the most memorable working experience in my life. Somehow, things didn't went smoothly. So I went out hunting again... Here and there, bits and pieces. Another nice place to work in. Boss is super nice other then his occasional temper. Nice colleaugues too. But someone had to come along and took everything away overnight. I had to hunt again. I'm so tired...

Another new place, new work. Didn't really went that smooth. I don't understand. Is there something wrong with me? I can't seems to Pay totally sux. But it's a start. I get to work and study again. Then someone had to say I studied for the wrong reasons. What have I done wrong? What? Am I suppose to study for fun? I studied because I want a better paying job. What's wrong with that?

That new period of time is one of my best. I met very good people and we became friends till now. I found meaning in life. I found new goals and went all the way out to achieve them and I did. I can't be happier. I left the place and found a new one. The real start to my career. People were pretty nice. The work's ok... But this person had to come and spoil everything. For a year, I had to endure his insults. Why do I have to endure so long? Because I don't have a choice yet. Finally came the day when I had the chance of choice. I typed out my resignation letter and sent out resume in tears. You have no idea how hurt I were. I appreciated the guidance I had there, but I seriously think that insults were too much.

Another new place. Very fast-paced work life. Very tiring and tedious. A lot of learning experiences. Good bosses. But the workload is too much. And there is something else. I think it's myself. I don't why. But I can't feel the passion in the work. I don't feel like I belong there. I need to feel a sense of belonging. It's very important to me. Sense of belonging and passion will drive me a long way. I couldn't find it.

Now, out to hunt again. Many disappointments, little hopes. I'm starting to lose faith in myself and everything else. I don't know how long I can hold on... Crying isn't gonna help. But I can't help it. I can only secretly cry in the showers, in the dark and hope the sliver linings will show soon. I can't depend on anyone else but myself isn't it? There's no one to depend on anyway. All the way. It's just me alone. Always alone...

*~*~*Spare me some room. I need to breathe*~*~*

我。。。

2009-03-09T01:54:00.002+08:00

梦想是一种奢耻。没有梦就不用想。
没有希望，就不会有失望。
没有期待，就不会去等待。
想要可望，却只是在可怜的盼望。

生命的目标是不是越来越远?
我还可以期待会有希望吗?
会不会等到最后只剩下失望?
明天会更好吗?我还得等多少个明天?

*~*~*可怜的人,希望，失望，期待，等待。。。明天会更好。。。*~*~*

How to love myself?

2009-02-20T18:05:00.004+08:00

I HATE THE WAY I LOOK NOW. I CAN'T BEAR TO LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR. I HATE MY LIFE. I HATE MYSELF. I HATE MYSELF... I HATE MYSELF!

*~*~*How to love myself? How to?*~*~*

The Ups & Downs in Life...

2009-02-19T11:31:00.002+08:00

Experiencing the downs in my life now. I have not meant for this to happen. But it just happened. The longer it drags, the scarier it becomes. Getting very worried and terrified. Gotta face the music someday. The sooner the better, the less torturous it is.

Could the Ups & Downs in life be conquer with sheer determination and perseverance? If so, then I really need to gather all that I could to overcome this.

Argghhh... Feeling so terrible now... I wish for a cave to hide in. But I can't avoid this forever. This situation gives me a very bad headache everytime I think of it. Bad.. What is happening?

What will the outcome be? Will I feel more relieved after that? I hope so, be it bad or good.

*~*~*Give me the strength to carry on.*~*~*

Murphy's Law says... ...

2009-02-12T11:03:00.002+08:00

Everything seems to become blurry to me. I don't know what I am doing though I know what I should be doing. My 'working factory' starting to stall. (Cough..poof...sssss...) Feel sick & tired.

Where did my passion lies in? Suddenly, I have no idea. Some years ago. I see myself as a poor girl working like hell and studying very hard. Struggling. But it feels good. The satisfaction of doing a wonderful job drives my motivation to work happily almost everyday. The goal that I had set seems nearer each day. Life was pretty good then.

A new job and a new goal drives me on again. Although suffered humiliation, I kept quiet and pushed on and on. Reaching my targeted goal. I must not give up. And I reached that goal.

Here I am. Halfway through that goal... Somewhere, it wasn't what it seems to be. Is it really my goal? Life isn't that tedious already. But, why is everything going the wrong way? My brain is not working well. I have no idea what it is hinking about. I'm no longer that sure where I'm heading...

Where is that passion and determination? That drive, that motivation. Did I set too high a goal? I don't believe so. Then where did it went wrong? Where?

*~*~*Where is my guiding light? Have you dim on me again?*~*~*

Lunar New Year - MOOOO~~~

2009-01-27T00:45:00.002+08:00

Today is the 2nd day of Lunar New Year. Tomorrow will be a busy day I think. Lots of guests will be coming over to my house. Instead of sleeping early yesterday & tonight, why am I still awake? What do you think? It's work again. No. I'm not in the office. That will be too pathetic. Equally sad, I brought work home. I shouldn't have, but I don't have a choice. I need time on it. Holidays aren't for rest. It's for stress... The deadline is coming closer. But 2 jobs are still outstanding. I have only 2 days to finish them. How to? On top of that, I have other adhoc jobs & a client who thinks I am very free...

I am trying my best already. Eversince, I started this job, my migrain came back. The last time I had terrible migrains were in the Poly days. Gastrics pain became common. I don't have history of gastrics pain... It all started here. It's tiring. But should I be glad that at least I have a job? I know I should. But can't I feel tired? My eyesight deepens... No time for social life. Shopping is out of question.

Endure. Endure. Couple more days(or years?) Endure...

*~*~*Moo Moo year. Bring me some luck please... Moo Moo....*~*~*

Is it Bear or Bull for my 2009?

2009-01-11T15:48:00.002+08:00

Hardly make a good start for 2009. It's Bear for the financial market. But work for me, is still as bullish as ever, if not 'better'...

Lost the inspiration for this entry...Shouldn't have drag too long to update.

*~*~*Moo Moo... Let the Bull run wild.*~*~*

Life is... ...

2008-11-23T17:37:00.002+08:00

Life's so troublesome... Studies, careers, money, marriage, family even die you'll have to plan too. Study for the sake of future. It's one big investment. Career is the one that helps to roll in the bucks. When there's enough bucks and a potential life partner, marriage will be next. After marriage? Family. Kids, a place to call home. When old, you will want to draft will, plan funeral & decide where you will want be bury or cremate. There's so much to think about.

Everyday, nag nag nag. Everyday, work work work. Everyday, think think think. Life's so troublesome. So troublesome... ...

Having headache with studies and work. Now? another one more. I don't know what is wrong. It's so scary. The scale can tip easily. Got to be very carefull at all times. A little too much can kills. Life's so troublesome.

Why am I not enjoying life anymore? I want to enjoy life just like before. Wake up in the morning happily, looking forward to everything. Welcome all challenges and tackle them with ease. Where is that lively energy? It's all gone...

*~*~*Life is so troublesome. Can I restart everything?*~*~*

The storm after the calm...

2008-11-11T00:21:00.002+08:00

Storm comes and goes in a blink of an eye. Has it really gone away? I hope so.

Went to Loyang Tua Pek Gong Temple today with friends. Pray for? Always, without fail, pray for my family to be safe and in good health. Today, I pray for myself for the first time. Pray for good health, career and that I can finish my studies smoothly. Ah! I forgotten about happiness. Boooo... Well, if I got what I pray for and be satisfied, I should be happy anyway, shouldn't I?

Why do people pray?Pray for a hope. A hope that their wishes will come true. Without hope, how will life be? Hope is important. I wish... I hope... I pray...

Working hard and smart is still needed. Add in a bit of luck. Dreams might not be just dreams after all isn't it? Am I working hard and smart enough? Working towards hard and smart. I need to believe in myself more. I need to be more optimistic. Life will be happier I guess.

Ganbatte!

*~*~*Then what comes after the storm?*~*~*

钱买不到的，不会是我的。钱买得到的，也不会有我的。

2008-11-06T13:31:00.004+08:00

想为自己买一点点的快乐和解脱。我错了吗?真的错了吗?不是机会来了要把握吗?是我搞错了吗?真的错了吗?真的错了。。。不是你的真的不能强求。我想要的到底是什么?为什么到现在还不清楚自己要的是什么?为什么频频出错?可恶的眼泪在眼眶里徘徊。下定了心不让泪水轻易落下的我，强忍着把泪往肚里吞。。。

我知道这样的做法不太对。不只是你会不赞成。是我又错了吧?我到底在心烦什么?可恶的烦恼整晚在我脑海里盘旋着，害我无法入眠。是我想太多了吧?

我想。。。人要量力。有的就珍惜。没有的也不要想太多。可能这样会过得比较快乐吧。。。

现在，什么都不用想了。

*~*~*想要得到辛福。真的好难。是我又错了吗?*~*~*

Insomnia

2008-11-06T04:05:00.002+08:00

It's 4.06am. I still can't sleep. Too much thoughts troubling my mind. I can't sleep. I ponder and wonder. I think and worry. I question and ask. Is it or is it not? Can I or can I not? Should I or should I not? Will I or will I not? Would it be or would it be not?

It should be the right move isn't it? If it is, why am I so troubled? What am I worrying about? Aren't that all unnecessary? Why think about these when it has not or maynot happen? Why make my poor brain work over-time? I must be crazy giving myself all these pressure. Isn't life stressful enough already?

I have to learn to slow down and relax. If only situations allow... I will... I just tried to encourage myself to cheer up previously and here I go again. Sinking into the dark pit of worries and sadness. Someone, please fill up the pit for me so that I will not fall into it again if I did not watch my steps. It's a terrible place to be.

Sleep. I need sleep. Decent sleep. Peaceful sleep. Knock me out please....

*~*~*To be or not to be. Who gets to decide?*~*~*

Ending symbolises the start of a new beginning.

2008-10-14T00:17:00.010+08:00

How to do a decent ending so that I can have a clean start to begin with? Come to think of it, I hardly get a decent ending for some of the stuff. Upsetting... But what's a girl's gotta do, she's gotta do. Oh well, I'll just have to take it as it comes. Hopefully, the silver lining will show in the end. Life's full of uncertainty and it starting to put lots of worries in my mind.

Always worrying about this and that. What is it gonna be like there? What will happen back here? Can I go in peace(not as in dying)? Will I be able to tie up all the loose ends in time? Starting to get a little tired. Lots of persistance and determination is the what I need to get through all these. It's always up to ownself... Want it or want it not.

Often ask myself a lot of questions that I don't know if I can answer them. Stupid? No, Ice-cream Man said ignorance does not mean stupid. Why bother asking so many questions and get upset? Crazy.

I need to tune my mind towards positivity. Come on sunshine & laughter. Everyday is gonna be a great day. Life is too short to waste over darkness and tears. Brighten up~ Cheer up~ Don't end 2008 with sadness. It's gonna be a decent ending and a bright and clean start for 2009. Less than 2 months to go. Work hard on it. It is not gonna be just a dream. I must make it happen.

*~*~*想雨般的轻轻落下--->那是昨天流下的泪水。今天的我，试着不再轻易落泪。*~*~*

世界下起雨

2008-10-11T14:50:00.003+08:00

天不做美，下起了雨。在这绵绵细雨的下午，心里正在想着烦人的事。

因该试着把心结打开，始放那被压抑已久的心灵。好想无优无虑的在天空翱翔。人世间太多烦恼。活得不快乐。

谁能点亮这条又黑又孤独的路? 好想哭。哭完了已后会变得快乐吗? 如果会，好想大哭一场。

希望很快就会雨过天晴。

*~*~*世人一生到底在追求什么?*~*~*

Depression sinking in

2008-10-11T12:59:00.002+08:00

The world economy is sinking into depression... So am I.

The past few while haven't been an easy time. Things didn't go like they were supposed to be. But what are things suppose to be anyway? Peaceful? Simple? Plain? Exciting? Fun? Eventful?

I don't know. It's just not a happy life like before. I don't like this kind of life. But, I have the choice to choose and make the kind of life I want isn't it? Why am I not doing that? I feel powerless... I don't like it.

*~*~*The Sun will shine again tomorrow...If it is not raining...*~*~*

I almost Make the move...

2008-09-20T14:13:00.002+08:00

Some few days ago. I was feeling a little depressed over my career of choice. I made a rash decision and almost regretted it. Luckily, everything is fine.

I wonder sometimes. Is this the most suitable path for me? How would I know what actually suits me? Sighz...

*~*~*Humans are so pitiful.*~*~*

Plain but smooth sailing, not...

2008-08-28T22:54:00.002+08:00

It's near the end of 2008.What has been achieved so far? I can't think of significant achievements. Disappointment more like it. Not doing well in studies. Not stable (still) yet financially. Career advancing to where? The common stuff we mere mortals are always worrying about. The usual annoying stuiffs that I am always worrying about. When can I stop worrying about all these and slow down to look at the sceneries? No. No time. No time.

Colours. Where are the colours of life? How can I let these annoying issues bother me and interupt my life? Trying. Trying. Well, the Earth will still turn and life goes on.

*~*~*Twinkle Twinkle Little Stars. Can you lend me some sparkles to add to my life?*~*~*

Stress days to come...

2008-08-12T10:07:00.002+08:00

It's 10.07am now. 9 more hours to exam. I have yet to fully digest the notes. Unable to concentrate. Don't know why. It's always seems that I have to study last minute. Seems like losing the interest and motivation to study. Lost sight of my goal.

Whn I started this course, I dreamt. Dreamt of wearing my graduation gown and mortar board. Graduated beautifully. It was part of my goal. To reach there and celebrate. What about now? It seems so distant... So far away that I could hardly reach...Just like the stars in the sky. So sparkly and attractive, unreachable...

I started thinking, why did I put myself through all these? Ambitious. To remain competitive in the society. Lots of people have said, no qualifications is alrite. Still can earn big bucks. How true is that? I don't feel safe without one. Yet, even after securing one, the job isn't as good as one that don't require high qulification. How depressing.

Losing confidence in studies and work. How long can I last before I burn out... Just celebrated my 26th Birthday. But what's there to celebrate? Celebrate that I'm not any younger? Celebrate life?

Trying to work back on track. Straying off further and further away. Where is my guiding light? Has it dim out on me? Lost hope on me?

*~*~*Give me back my life.*~*~*

Stress level climbing higher & higher...

2008-08-04T18:38:00.003+08:00

I'M FEELING SO STRESSED NOW... SO STRESSED... HOW LONG CAN I HOLD BEFORE I BREAK DOWN? I HAVE NO IDEA...

DID I MAKE THE WRONG MOVE RESULTING IN TODAY'S SITUATION?

*~*~*HOW TO SURVIVE IN THIS MODERN COMPETITIVE JUNGLE???*~*~*

Bits & Pieces

2008-06-25T16:02:00.005+08:00

Lost the mood to blog...

Bundle of joy at home loves to cry and be carried by us. Poor little girl... Don't worry. Your future will be bright.

School work, assignments, tutorials, projects, tests. Gosh. I'm starting to panic. Trying. Trying. Stress, stress go away.

Had a sad dream yesterday. Dance. Taekwondo. Pizza-making. I missed those days. I missed doing all these.

Wedding dinners to attend. At least, joyful events at the end of the month.

Last but not least, new job. I don't know if I am really looking forward to it. Sigh...

*~*~*Where is the silver linings?*~*~*

My Signature Color according to Tickle.com

2008-06-23T17:14:00.001+08:00

What's Your Signature Color?

My Result: Pink Chiffon

There's nothing saccharine about you — your sweetness is one hundred percent natural! A gentle, thoughtful romantic like you must be paired with a color that's soft and warm — but still has a subtle sophisticated sheen. That's why Pink Chiffon is the perfect color for you! You're probably known for making the most of every situation and trying to see the best in people. But while you may be cheerful and innocent at times, you're nobody's fool. You may see the world through rose-colored glasses, but you can still see, after all.

While you make wise insights time after time, it's probably your good nature and perpetual optimism that are what you're known for and what make you a joy to be around. Even those who sometimes make fun of your Pollyanna-like proclamations will turn to you when they need a friend and some cheering up. So keep pink, Chiffon. With you around, the world's a better place!

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=signaturecolorogt&c=50652

As I recalled...

2008-04-30T05:05:00.003+08:00

I was watching chinese dance clips when I recalled how I fell in love with dance. Actually, it all started in Primary School. I was too shy to join the dance club so I joined the Art club instead. But then, I often under the pretense of going to toilet, I sat at one corner of the school hall watching the dance club members practising their pieces.I even could memorise the dance steps then.
The actual contact came when I wentt to Secondary School. I thought, well, it was a new school, new environment, no one knows me, no one will laugh at me. I could join the dance club. I hesitated actually. I joined the Netball club instead under persuasion of my new classmates. My membership in the Netball club was shortlived. Just like in Primary School, I sat at a corner of the hall again watching them dance. They were then preparing for SYF competition with a beautiful dance piece inspired by Dun Huang, a place in China along the Silk Road I think. The music is so beautiful, combined with the dance moves, I was completely mesmerized. From then on I joined the dance club and have never regretted it since. I enjoyed every moment of it although pain, tears and sweat were shed. It would always be in my memory.
One thing I regretted was dropping out of dance school...I can never turn back the clock... I missed those dancing days...

*~*~*Time & Tide wait for no Man*~*~

That's how fast people can change...

2008-03-24T22:35:00.004+08:00

Things hasn't been going well. It all started on the 3rd day of CNY. It's amazingly scary how fast people can change. I wonder why... Does marriage means as much as only a game to people? It hurts to see someone whom you care for so depressed and upset. I get so fustrated trying to help. Desparately needed to do something to resolve the issue. But it keeps dragging on and on. It's not that easy. The damages it caused is scary. It involves one poor innocent soul who has yet to see the world. I hate the person who caused all these to happened and there he is pushing the blame all around. Sincerely not guilty,shameful and remorseful of his dirty deeds.

As if to make matter worse, hurtful exchange of words were said.Emotionally unstable I believed as she seek unorthodox help. Why isn't she hearing what I say? Why isn't she doing what the lawyer suggested? Till now she hasn't accept that there is no turning back. I'm quite angry at her for being so weak. I know I have to understand from her point of view. But this is getting way out of hand. It's too fustrating. What actually went wrong... Do things really have to turn out this bad? All I know, the chances of reversing everything is way to dim. But she is still hanging on... Even if there is a thin strand of hope left, she will hang on... How do I tell her that it is not the end of world? How do I tell her without the jerk, life can still be good?

I hate that jerk for all these. He acts as though he did nothing wrong. He and his smug look. How dare him! Although 2 months have passed, I couldn't get that anger off my heart. The damages just rippled on and on.

I wish for the day to come for all these to end...soon...Please...

*~*What goes around will comes around...We shall wait and see...Retribution will come.*~*

I missed... ...

2008-01-13T20:45:00.000+08:00

I missed the days back in secondary school where I get to dance in school events.
I missed the days back in poly where I get to go for Taekwondo every week.
I missed the days when I was still working in ML.
I missed the days when my ML pals and I had lunch together.
I missed the days when my ML pals and I went for meals and parties.
I missed the days when I was still taking my part time diploma.
I missed my diploma project team.

I missed the simplictity of life when I was still a young, innocent and ingorant kid.
I missed life when I don't have to worry about all the bills and eductation, the future and career...

The stuff and people that I missed can go on and on. I wished I have Doreamon. Then he can lend me his time travellign machine so that when I miss certain things in the past I can always go back and relive it once again. Unrealistic huh? Maybe in my dreams. In my dreams, if I can...

*~*~*They will only exist in memories*~*~*

Today is 31st December 2007

2007-12-31T13:58:00.000+08:00

2007 is coming to an end. It's time to do a recap & summary for the year. What have I achieved this year? Did I manage to fulfil what I wish for? Has this been a good & fruitful year?

I managed to complete my Diploma successfully and got myself a better paid job and is able to gain experience relevant to my future career path. I got myself a wonderful boyfriend to share the ups & downs of my life and hopefully, he will be the one who will walk with me through the rest of my life till death do us apart.

The most memorable event of the year is the wedding of my sister. The day went on smoothly despite the blazing sun threathening to melt down everyone of us. I believe we all have a great time. This is the 2nd time I saw my Dad in tears, happy tears as he walked my sister out of our home. The dinner was great, food were nice and people had fun. It's just like a big reunion dinner for our relatives. Of course, I wouldn't be able to escape being asked the question of the year-"When will it be your turn to get married?" I believe I wouldn't be able to escape that question during chinese new year or any other family gatherings next year.

There's many events to look forward to next year. A new addition to our family, my new goal to fufil so that I can embark on a new journey toward my future, birthdays & anniversary & maybe more weddings?

Lastly, to conclude. This year has been pretty pleasant though with some hiccups along the way. At least everyone I care about are safe and healthy. Nothing more I can asked for.

*~*~*Maybe 2008 be a even more fruitful year*~*~*

3 days in Bangkok

2007-12-17T10:56:00.000+08:00

Singapore, 0515hr, Tuesday
What the h*ll! We were supposed to be in the airport at 5am. We overslept! Two of us were rushing. Luckily, we had everything packed and ready to go. Traffic was good. No jam. We managed to get there in time for our flight. Phew...

Bangkok, 0930hr, Tuesday
Finally~~ Arriving in Bangkok. We found our guide waiting. Riding a 45min coach jounery to our hotel.Dropped everything, took a quick shower. So anxious to start our day. Shopping~ I looked around our surrounding like a curious child. I find certain things fascinating. I saw pink cabs, blue cabs, green cabs, red cabs, motor-taxis,& Tuk-Tuk. Pink cabs.. I wanna ride in 1~ Our mode of transport on the 1st day were Tuk-Tuks... It's an experience for us. Quite a bumpy ride. The traffic is scary. The way the people ride & drive. Gosh! It's a wonder that we didn't see any accidents. We shopped around the street markets looking for cheap bargains. Seems like the thai version of our pasar malam. Back in the hotel after a day of wandering and shopping. We have another long exciting day tomorrow morning.

Bangkok, 0630am, Wednesday
Rise and shine. Woke up even earlier than on work day. Don't wanaa waste time sleeping on our precious trip. Breakfast. Coach was outside waiting to pick us up for our half day city tour. We went past the Royal Palace, Royal Temple and the pier where we would be taking a swim, ah.. no, boat across the river to see more temples. Temple of Dawn. Their temples are so grand and magnificent. Ours are just too plain in comparison. No surprise though because theirs a Buddhist country unlike ours. I liked the boat ride but it's kinda short. The weather was very good, too good that it can burn. Back across the river we went to see more temples. There's this 32m tall Golden Buddha. Kinda hard to get it into the picture. Almost have to kneel to the ground to fit it in. We managed though. Picture turned out..Nice. No more temples after this. It's to the Gem Gallery Gems.. A woman's favourite...Hmmm....The guide was teasing my Baobei to buy big diamonds for me. Well, he didn't get me big diamonds though. He got me something else. (Please don't rob me...They are all bargain gems.) A simple square amethyst ring(my fave) and a ring with my birthstone, peridot. No. They are not proposal or engagement rings. He's just pampering me. The rest of the gems are bit pricy. I wanted to get pink gems but they don't have simple designs that I like. A drink at the Gems Gallery's coffee lounge marked the end of the half day tour. There were coaches outside that would that us to various places. We boarded the one going to MBK(Mah Boon Krong). Another round of shopping began. The 2nd day of shopping.. :p Far more items than the 1st day.Scary. We dropped off our 1st round of shopping goodies back in the hotel and went off for a 2nd round at the market. Pratunam Market. Owww... Tons of bargain items on sale. Shop & shop. Back to the hotel. So warm and tired. But happy.

Bangkok, 0700hr, Thursday
Breakfast again. The pancakes were yummy. As we had bit more time before the coach arrive to take us to the Safari Park, we took a walk round the corner to A&W. Something that had ceased to exist in S'pore. He bought me a cute A&W bear. :p It's a long jounery to the Park as it's located at the outskirts of Bangkok. As we were nearing our destination, I found the scenes around familiar. The kampong days... There's crop fields and zinc roofs housing. Seems so peaceful and relaxing here. Ideal retirement place? Maybe... We rided into the Safari in the same coach we came in. You can drive your own vehicle in too. Both of us were amazed. It wasn't what we had expected to see. The number of animals and birds, the space. It does look like the African Safari. There's no barricades separating the different species of animals(other than the dangerous predators). It's a beautiful sight. It's a pity that we couldn't get better pictures taken because that d&mn window wouldn't open...Argh! We saw the feeding of the tigers. A keeper fed the tigers in a cage on the back of a jeep. The tigers were on the cage, leaning on the cage. We were like... Wah! Something we most probably wouldn't see in our own Safari. Lunch was disappointing. The food was simply plain. After lunch we went for various show. There's the orang-utan boxing show, sealion show, dolphin show, cowboy stunt show and spy war show. We got wet watching the stunt show. They used real explosives for the show. A dynamite was threw into the well. Exploded and water splashed 2storey high, hit the roof and fell like heavy rain onto us. The warning sign did warn us that the 1st 2rows will get we. But we were sitting on the 4th row... They used explosives for the spy war show too. This time, we got smarter. The sign said the 1st 6rows will get wet. So, we sat on the 12th row. Hah.. Lucky us. The explosives used were so strong that we felt the heat even when we were so far away from stage. Pretty interesting as it's highly impossible to see thes kind of shows with explosives in S'pore. Oh, I had a photo taken of cute polar bear kissing me. Just pure luck that Baobei had taken this picture. It's hard to have chance like that. So cute~ I love the photo. But the lighting is bad. Photoshop will do wonders for me, I hope. Back to town where more shopping continued. :p We spent most of the $ leaving some for transport.

Bangkok, 0500hr, Friday
Got up real early as coach will be taking us to airport at 6am. Awfully early. Yawnz... Reluctantly to leave Bangkok. So relaxing. No worries... Sigh...

Singapore, 1200pm, Friday
Home sweet home. End of our lovely trip. Looking forward to the next holiday...

*~*~*It's a beautiful trip, especially when you have a wonderful travelling partner*~*~*

Looking forward to:

2007-11-29T17:54:00.000+08:00

Lots of stuff to look forward to.

1) My upcoming Bangkok trip with my Blue Snail. :p In the past years, I hardly get to go overseas, not even JB. This year? I guessed situation change for the better. I got to go Hongkong in July and now Bangkok. Happy of course. Shopping and sight-seeing. It's gonna be fun. YEAH~

2) D&D. Not sure if I am really looking forward to that.But there might be chances of winning some lucky draw prizes.Maybe that's something worth looking forward to. There's gonna be 2 D&D to attend. Own company and Blue Snail's company's. The themes are so boring. IT's always the same around. BORING~People, where are your sense of creativity?

3) Wedding dinners. Yes, wedding dinners with an 's'. 2 of them to be exact. One is Blue Snail's friend's wedding. The other is my sister's. I love weddings. My idea of a wedding is about romance,happiness,blissfulness and enjoyment. I definitely will plan my own style of wedding. It's a once in a lifetime event. So it's gonna to be super memorable.

4) Christmas. I like special events and occasions. I can plan special stuff and secret actions. I like to give my friends(who are worth my efforts) pleasent surprises. This year, it would be the same. Wonder if I have time to make cards. I do that almost every year. But this year... Hmmm... We'll see.

5) ACCA. Start of a new fresh pathway to fulfil new goals. Just like what I felt and believed strongly in when I first took my private Diploma. I don't care what others say. It's not my problem. I have to believe in myself. I allow no room for failure. No room for hesitations. No room for hindrance. No room for discouragment. I don't have time. I must make it. Very ambitious. But I chosen to take this choice. So it shall be so. No matter how tough, I have to persist. No turning back. Wish me all the best and good luck. I'm gonna need that. I know my Blue Snail and trusty friends will give me their full support and encourgement. I have proven to myself(and the ones who wish to see that I'll fail) that I have succeeded in finishing what I have started. I know I can do it again. It's in my blood. I will finish what I start. I must... There's no time to waste...

How come there's no mention of bonus to look forward to you might ask? It's because, there is no bonus to look forward to. Yes. Haiz.. So sad. That will be in June.

Oh. I just have 2 of my wisdom teeth extracted. It's so scary. Not so much of pain from the extraction itself. It's the injections that were painful to start with.After that, it's just plain pressure. Nothing much. Soft diet, no big smiles and laughters. So far so good.

Lots of changes undergoing at work.Not convienent to discuss here though...Haiz.. Just say, Ganbatte...

*~*~*I miss you guys...*~*~*

Is it smooth or just plain?

2007-10-27T18:44:00.000+08:00

Should I be glad that life is plain & simple now? Or should I be envious of others' bright and colorful life? Yes, yes, look at what I have and be satisfied not look at what I don't have and brood over it. But hey! I'm a normal earthly being. I did try. But then... Oh well.

It's always work and home, work and home. So boring. Before, there were still meals and clubbing gatherings. Where did all these go? There's nothing much to look forward to. Everything is pretty stagnant. It's boring. I need some colors.
Bright and Gorgeous Colours...

*~*~*Time to inject some colours in my Life*~*~*

Passing thoughts - In the office

2007-10-26T17:35:00.000+08:00

Freezing cold here. Waiting for nothing. Wondering when will he be done.

Anyway, wedding bell is ringing again. This time round? It rings in my family.Neh.. Not me. It's my sister. Yes! Finally, I'll have the room all by myself. :p My very own space, soon.
Come to think of it, Mr Alien once said one shouldn't marry for the wrong reason which at that point of time, he's saying me. Well, Mr Alien, don't worry. I wouldn't. And you? Better save up some $ for my wedding angbao when I marry for the right reason. :p

Saw an email from my newly-wedded friend. She attached photos from her honeymoon. So envious. (Ah ah~ Mr Alien. Nope. I wouldn't get married because I wanna go for honeymoon ya.) So sweet. I hope they will stay so sweet and loving till death do them apart.

Tomorrow will be a bored-to-the-maximum day. Sigh...

Yeah~ I'm going to school soon. Can't wait.

*~*My Guiding Light is shining bright. Please let me have the strength to keep it alight forever.*~*

Disaster rolling...and many other short stories.

2007-10-11T11:36:00.000+08:00

Work hasn't been going smooth since August. I don't know who I have offended or what I have done. I tried my best to make sure there's no mistakes. But the more careful I wanna be, the more mistakes I tend to make. What is this? I put in efforts and heart into making it a good piece of work. However, time and again, it turned out disasterous. What the heck happened? All fingers pointed at me. I don't deny that it's partly my own overlooked. But then, I definitely is damn unwilling to bear all the blame. No use explaining either... Hopeless.. I lost motivation to work. I hope all these crap will be over and this month, it will be a fresh new start.

Last Saturday was a great get-together day. Thanks to Mrs Sunshine Smiley. I gotta catch up with couple of long missed friends. God, I realised I miss them lots. I miss the time with them back then. Unfoturnately, that time is already history. Gonna make some effort to create more time like that so I will have beautiful history to look back on.

More wedding bells are ringing. Not mine, at least not anytime now... Too early. Glad to see them happily married. Wish them a blissful future. Oh ya, my ex-captain has a new addition into his family. A beautiful baby boy. He's so adorable. Wish them all the best.

Weekend is approaching. Need to work a bit. But would be real glad for the short break. I wanna go prawning~~Prawning is fun. :p

*~*~*Lady Luck, Please spare me a smile. Really need it.*~*~*

It's a rainy Friday.

2007-09-14T14:08:00.000+08:00

The sky's so gloomy now. Rain rain rain. I hope it's not raining in the earthquake hit areas. It will make things harder for the victims and rescuers.

Haven't been updating diligently. :p Kinda busy with stuff. All my September weekends are fully booked with parties, work and weddings. Wedding bells ringing~ Not mine unfortunately. Not anytime soon.

Trying to squeeze out the creative juices from my brain to think of off tricks to tease and 'bully' the groom before he can get to see his bride. Tough. Had been waiting for my dear friend's big day when she told us earlier in the year. Finally. Happy for her.

Let's see. There's a birthday bash for a lovely IT babe from ML tomorrow, Wedding for the whole of Sunday,Mr Exotic's house-cooling party next Saturday, work on Sunday morning till noon, work on Saturday morning till noon and wedding dinner at night. Woah.. Overwhelming. There's also a BBQ gathering at Mrs Smiley's house. Eventful eh?

Oh ya, last Tuesday and Wednesday, went for a meaningful and useful skill training at HDB Hub. Was a great and fun training. Learnt a lot that could be apply almost everywhere, everyday and anytime on anyone. I'm glad I went. I got 'punished' for being late , so I gotta sing a song in front of everyone. :p Tried to be sporty and participate in everything. Gotta know more of my colleauges from other teams. Conclusion? Fun and informative. The trainer is good, fun, knowledgeable. Wonderful Nothing more I can ask for.

Well, I hope the rain will stop soon. I don't wish for it to spoil the program My Man and I had planned.

*~*Rain Rain, Go away. Come again another day. Little 'children' wanna play*~*

Absence makes the Heart grows fonder?

2007-08-14T19:31:00.000+08:00

Day 1: Break of dawn you went to work while I visited Zhou Gong again. You spent your day at work while I went for my class at Pasir Ris. A day without you around. Feels bit weird.

Day 2: You are in another nearby island with them while I was at course. Missing each other... I finished sewing the keychain bears, waiting for you to come back and see.

Day 3: Today, had a busy day at work while you are still busy with yours in the greens. I'm glad today is gonna be over.

*~*~*Heart's growing fonder every moment you are away*~*~*

A new toy & Friends of Donkey years

2007-08-02T09:55:00.000+08:00

My Sweetheart bought me another new toy to play with. A slick, slim looking Samsung mobile. Wee~ It's one pretty little thing. He's gonna spolit me if he keeps buying toys for me. :p I love him to bits not because he buys me gifts, but because he is so sweet and generous in heart. *Muacks*
Hey Baby, if you are reading this, "I Love you Lots & Lots~"

Just went for a Primary school gathering yesterday. Wow.. Time really flies. Come to think of it, we are friends for over a decade, some even a two decades. Cool. We still able to meet up and catch up on each other's lives and re-live the funny stuff from school. SO fun. Better if more can turn up. Someone have to take the initiative to organise and gather people. The rest? Appreciate the efforts and try to turn up. Had a wonderful time.

At this hour, I should be at work, but I'm at home. An off day to compensate for the day they asked me to work when I had an MC.
Yeah~~ Rest to get well.

*~*~* Time Flies, People age, but Friendship never change.*~*~*

There's a hidden Bitch in every girl?

2007-07-26T13:24:00.000+08:00

A walk down the Comments section. Woah! I have to say. What a bitch.
I realised. There must be a hidden bitchy character in every girl. Yes, even me. Exactly what does bitchy means? (Let me check the dictionary..... Checking... Checking...)
Oh. It says:

"adjective, bitch·i·er, bitch·i·est. Slang. characteristic of a bitch; spiteful; malicious."

Right... I see. Someone is jealous. Attempted to draw blood with her claws. Ha! Sorry. You missed. Aim properly next time will ya?

Blogging @ Office

2007-07-25T10:03:00.000+08:00

Haven't been updating diligently. Kinda busy with something.

Some updates on my HK trip. It's fun. Fun shopping and my trip buddies are great company. I would love to go holiday with them again. Unfortunately, we didn't really take much group photos.. I did take lots of street signs to show where we went. Haven't upload them yet. :p Long overdue again.

Some happy news. I have handed over my post as President in my Singles Club. Yeah~ Bye bye Singlehood. Happily attached to a nice loving boyfriend. Had already introduced him to a few close friends and my colleauges has all seen his photos and knew about him. Attached life have never been so wonderfully happily. But then some hiccups had to interupt my peaceful and happy new life.

Friendship turns bitter. Bitter actions, bitter remarks, humilation..etc Why does it have to be this way? Do I have to lose something becasue I had gained something? It's so horrible.
Hurtful. Best part? This bitter forced to me choose from my passion and my new boyfriend. No way I'm gonna choose. I don't want to. It doesn't have to be this way. He's very supportive that I should continue with that passion. There's no need for me to give it up because of that bitterness and hostility shown. I have to be brave. No one is gonna rule and ruin my new found happiness. No way. I have to stop dwelling at there. People, please grow up. We all should have a more generous heart. If you have really care so much about me, you wouldn't want to hurt me so much in this way.

Enough of all that crap. Life's too short to waste over such stuff. Let's move on.

How did we meet? Hmm.. He was an acquaintance's boyfriend back then. We didn't really talk much. But we had each other in our friendster and MSN. Strange thing was, I never realised he's in my MSN list. We had very brief contacts on and off. Until one day, because of a casual comment from me about his car which I thought was new and cute. So happen that he was online too and he responded. We then realised we are in each other MSN list. There, we started chitchatting. We went on our 1st date from there.

1st impression of him(excluding the 1st time we met) when we 're-meet'? Hmm.. Tall, tanned, lean, bit quiet, gentleman..etc. We clicked the moment we met. It's so sudden and pleasantly surprising that things between us happened so fast. There's mutual attraction. So. That's it. He's my lovable, adorable caring sweetheart now. He has been wonderful so far. I told him, he's spoiling me. :p

It would really be a fairytale kinda love story if things stay this way. I couldn't have ask for more.

*~*~*Me & U, Bumble Swift & Melody shall live happily everafter?*~*~*

A few hours before flying

2007-07-09T06:39:00.000+08:00

Stoning in front of the PC. A few more hours before our flight to HK. Yeah~

2 things to be happy about.
It's holidays~ HK! Here we come~
Something special... But I'm keeping it to myself. *giggle* Oops!

Gotta go~

What day is today?

2007-07-05T20:11:00.000+08:00

It's Thursday. The last entry was Tuesday. Yeah~ Tomorrow is Friday. Not just because it's near weekend. It's because there's taekwondo and it also means my HK trip is coming. Yippe~~

As usual, the day started with pain. Trying hard to ignore the stupid pain and concentrate on work. Thinking that concentrating hard on work will make me forget about the pain. Wrong. More pain instead. Why? Well, because last week I was busy closing 1 client's books and a new girl came. So boss asked to have some work for her to do. I passed on another client's a/cs for her to do. Today, I took over that client's a/cs and found things confusing. Hmm... Not that I'm blaming her or what. It's just that you know when you did something a bit and someone else does a bit too and you took over again.. It gets confusing as you wouldn't know what the other person did and what you did previously. I spent almost the whoel day tidying up and figuring out. And there's the annoying GST. The only thing good is that it keeps me occupied. Hopefully, more will come and I wouldn't have time to think about non-work related stuffs. Such thought gives me mood swing from time to time. I don't like it. I don't want it.

Right now, I'm thinking of what to do during training tomorrow. I wanna train hard. Lose weight, gain agility, increase flexibiity, sweat through my gi and make myself tired. Then I can go home, have a nice shower and a good sleep. Wake up feeling fresh and head for the temple count. Back to office to return keys and back home to pack for Hk trip. Hesitating whether to go for someone's house party on sat or not. Hmm.... I don't know...

Today, Boss treated us to TCC for drinks and food. So full. She's pretty nice actually.

Hmm... What else to write? There's more. But I don't know how to put them into words yet. Certain confusion and fustration. Luckily, I can seek solace in Taekwondo, in my dreamland, my game, my surreal world. Escaping reality.

*~* Give me back my smile, please?*~*

Wisdom tooth

2007-07-03T20:08:00.000+08:00

Puffy cheek. All thanks to Wisdom tooth. Why does 'Wisdom tooth' sounds so nice and yet, it feels so bad? So painful. Does that means, in order to gain wisdom, you will have to suffer 1st?

The tooth have been bothering me on and off. I'm going for my trip next week. I wish it would just go away 1st. My head seems to be cracking because of the tooth. Gums bit swollen. Makes it difficult to bite, smile and laugh.

It's Tues only.. Friday. Quick quick come.

*~*Pain. Nothing but Pain.*~*

Mixed Martial Arts and day after.

2007-07-02T23:23:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was a pretty interesting day. Hardly get to see different martial arts groups appeared in the same place. Went refereeing for our own tournament. Senior matches indeed different from the junior's. Lots of things to take note, decide and judge. Complicated. Anyway, the 'cutest' part was when we had to act as corner judges for Kick-boxing matches. Interesting. Things happened so fast, by the time we recorded a score, some other actions had already taken place. We could hear cheers but not know what who had score where and by wat. Quite confusing. But it's a gd experience which not everyone can have. So I treasure the time. AFter the tournament, we headed down to HQ to unload the stuff. Then back to the East-side for class...

Oh ya, there were 2 things that I did for the very 1st time. The only burger I eat is Mos riceburger coz I don't really like bread. However, my lunch for Sunday was a McChicken Burger from Mac. No choice. Hungry. And lunch was from a senior instructor. So, I took my very 1st bite of normal burger. Hmmm.. No too bad... :p The other thing was, my back-hook really cannot make it.. And I attempted to do jumping back-hook. Yeah~ Not very well-done. But managed to get the feel of it. Needs to keep practising. Maybe next year can try go for tournament...

Had been a pretty pleasant day. One of our club guy got a Gold Medal. We are so proud of him. But he almost scare us to death when he 1st got hit at the chin and his tooth got chipped. He managed to pull back the score and win the 1st match. The final was good. Although he got penalised for 2 minor fouls, he managed to win coz he scored alot. Well Done~

Well, today.. Bad. Wisdom tooth is giving me a bad headache. My left jaw there bit puffy already. I can't really smile or chew food.. Maybe tomorrow on, I'll be very quiet and eating semi-liquid food. horrible. I'm looking forward to my HK trip. Stupid tooth. Don't spoil it!

*~* Tooth Tooth. Be good ok?*~*

These 2 weeks..

2007-06-30T17:36:00.000+08:00

Last Sunday was a busy , warm, sweaty and sticky day. Went for my very 1st tournament(junior) to do refereeing. All of us were nervous. Worried that we would make mistakes. Making mistakes in real tournament is no joke, we could get pelted with rotten eggs. :p We reached the tournament ground at around 8.30am. Change into our referee uniforms which is a white polo-T hand-printed by our Dear Sir. The whole day was freaking warm. All of us were melting.

We got organised into groups of 4 and taking turns to do corner judges and referee. When it's my turn to referee a match, I was very nervous. I was the 1st girl referee to go up. :p I kept trying to make sure I keep my eyes on the contestants making sure there was no foul. I tried to make my voice as loud as can be. I have to make sure my back wasn't facing the head of court. There's so much distraction around, so much to keep in mind. It can confusing. But then, after a few more rounds, I got the hang of it.

The whoel day ended around 11pm after packing and clearing up the place. By time I got home, was already after midnight. So tired. The thing I most wanted wasn't my bed. It's a shower. Freaking sticky.

This coming Sunday tournament (senior), we were also asked to go. I'm more worried about the senior one. Seniors are more aggressive. Lucky, it's not a whole day event as the tournament is a mixed martial arts tournament. Ours Taekwondo will be the 1st up. most probably by early noon will be over. We still have class to teach in the evening. So, it's gonna be a whole day Taekwondo again. Whew...

Time to go play my lovely Sims2. Recently got it installed again. Yippe~~

*~*It's so freaking warm nowadays.*~*

Condemned!

2007-06-21T20:14:00.000+08:00

Today we decided to go Pizza Hut@ Far East Square for lunch and to celebrate Babe's birthday. No one attended to us and we were kept waiting at the entrance. Cuterger decided to go in and ask for someone to serve us. This guy said he will attend to us shortly. Waited and waited. No, he didn't attend to us. So, Cuterger and Boy went in again to the manager. Manager said will attend to us shortly. Cuteger told him there's a empty table at one corner. Manager's response was that table is for 6.We have 8. Is it too hard to get another table to join and make it 8? No. It seemed to me that they don't care about the customers. We decided we wait for a while more. The manager walked past right in front of us and didn't even glance up and offer apology and explanation why we were kept waiting. It's so rude. Crappy service. We had enough of waiting and we left. by then my poor lunch time is left with only half hour. The rest of them have more flexible lunch time. Freaking mad.

I'll never go there again. Crappy place!!!

*~*What is call Service? No service is better than bad service.*~*

My Egyptian Zodiac sign

2007-06-21T20:09:00.001+08:00

Sekhmet

Observant, authoritative, indulgent, moral and witty.

Colors: male: green, female: turquoise
Compatible Signs: Bastet, Geb
Dates: July 29 - Aug 11, Oct 30 - Nov 7

Role: Goddess of war and vengeance
Appearance: Lion-headed woman with the sun over her head
Sacred Animal: lion

What is Your Egyptian Zodiac Sign?
Designed by CyberWarlock of Warlock's Quizzles and Quandaries

My Tarot card

2007-06-21T20:03:00.000+08:00

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents,
beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home
decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Depleting Energy, depression... ...

2007-06-20T19:57:00.000+08:00

Having mood swings lately. Wonder why... Just unable to pick up the mood. Even if there's thing to be happy about, I still can't cheer up. Wonder why... Just no energy to to be happy.

What is really worth being happy about? Even when I'm typing this entry now, I feel like crying.
It's so horrible to feel this way.
You know what's the best part? I checked my account and the figure I see is depressing. I wonder if I can go for my trip happily, worry-free. Kinda regret going for the trip because I'm certainly not financially stable enough. Not stable enough for holidays, not stable enough for GSS, not stable enough for studies. What the hell... Depressing...

I am quite disappointed with myself. Upset. At this age, what have I achieved? The only achievement I could tink of is the completion of my Diploma. But it's insufficent. Progress was stalled. Oh God... I'm starting to feel lost again. Lost in my own world of depression, mood swings and blues.

Bring me out of this mess. I don't want to stay there.

*~* I need Shimmery Summer. I don't want chilly Winter*~*

Pinkish day

2007-06-19T22:44:00.000+08:00

Wore pink to work. My fave color. Hardly wear pink nowadays. Don't know why. Anyway, another day flew past. Was too engrossed in doing work that I missed my fave time of the day. Going home time~

Went to AMK and got myself Photoshop CS2. Just installed it successfully. Finally, my own Photoshop. Yeah~ No need to use my Sis's which is in her laptop and her laptop is seldom home. But my pc starts to lag a little. Lousy pc+mouse.

Maybe my Birthday wish will be to have a gorgeous PC or Laptop of my own(preferably in pink. :p). Just maybe...

A piece of good news to share. Gonna be converted to perm staff in July. Hopefully, alongside with all the other perks and benefits of being a perm staff. Future is looking bright(I hope so...)

*~*Another day has passed without missing the lost ones*~*

Greyish? Yellowish...

2007-06-14T22:06:00.000+08:00

Ya, another colored post. Was feeling grey.. Moody... Went to shop for a pair of black pants and sports shoes needed for refereeing day. Was trying out this pair of pants in Bugis. I walked out of the changing room intending to ask my friend for opinion. This lady went right into the room I just used...With my own dress still inside. I didn't realise that at first until I decided the pants don't fit and wanna change back into my dress. She was in there quite a while. There's like 10 empty rooms lor. Why chose the one with my dress and she saw me walked out lor. As she was taking quite a long time in there, a thought wondered into my mind. What if she tried on my dress?! Damn! She really did!!! I was very angry. She left the shop by the time I changed. However, the world is really small. We met in the washroom. She looked very shocked when she saw me and my dress and was practically staring at me. So rude!!! Brainless...

I saw a couple of sports shoes I liked. Puma, Nike and Adidas. Narrowed down to the Puma and Nike ones. But expensive... I don't really wear sport shoes. But I have to get a decent one. I don't wish to buy one that I don't really like.. End up wearing just once and dumped in a corner in the shoe cupboard. Maybe I'll just get the Nike one. Hmmm...

Why is it yellowish? Because of the sunny sun. So warm. Melting already. :p
Went on a 1hour over journey to course training ground. So far. I thought I missed my stop. Luckily, I didn't. Way back home is slightly fast. Tomorrow will be another training day. After that, dinner and off to Taekwondo. Oh ya, maybe I'll go get my shoes? Oh well, we'll see how tomorrow.

Drowsy...Sleepy...

**~*I saw lots of Big, Medium & Baby snails.Cute & Adorable.I wish I can have a Pet Snail.*~**

Green eyed Monster - In a corner

2007-06-12T19:53:00.000+08:00

It's scary to turn into a green eyed monster. I don't wanna be become one. I don't want. It's all Pandora's fault. Curiousity kills us all. Sometimes, just can't help it. That green eyed monster just creeped up on me. Forced me to be like it. Damn... Struggling, trying all ways to neutralise that greeny thingy... Keep away from me. Gotta tell myself.. Gotta tell myself, I can't have best of the world. I can't... Be satisfied. Learn to be satisfied. Have to be...

GO GREENY EYED MONSTER! GO AWAY! GO STAND IN THE CORNER! DON"T BOTHER ME AGAIN! LEAVE ME ALONE!

It's already near mid-June. My Hongkong trip. Coming nearer and nearer. Although, it's just a short trip. But I guessed I earned it. I'll enjoy myself very much. Definately will. After that, it will be time for a celebration. My Birthday. I always plan my own Birthday party. Always... Nobody can ever surprise me.. Nobody... Hmm.. Maybe someone did.. Just that once. Just once. Rare. But then, I might not have much cash on hand to do much of a party... Maybe already spent most in Hongkong... Oh well... Just see how then... Wonder what will I be planning for my Birthday this year. Eating is definately part of it... But what's next? (sigh) Maybe, hide at home and sleep. Wait for the day to be over and be sad about it? :p Crazy... Who do I wanna ask along? Who will always be ready to come along?

I realised (once again), I need to rely on myself. Depend on myself and no one else. Be it, physically, mentally or emotionally. No one will ever be there for anyone 24/7. Nobody can. It's all up to my ownself... Always the case. Learn to trust, only myself... Just myself. Only myself. No one else. Nobody...

~~Love the overcast sky, the wind that whipped my hair around~~

It's Blue...So Blue...

2007-06-11T22:07:00.000+08:00

It's a blue blue start for the week. Why does it have to be Monday Blues? Argh... I don't like to feel blue, nor green, nor yellow..etc. When I went work today, I don't even feel like smiling or talking. I just wanna do my work quietly, peacefully and wait for 5.30pm. I don't know why. I just can pick up my mood.

I used to go work happily although I dislike my company's management. It's the environment that I was placed in. It feels like a 2nd home. I dare say, most of the time I looked forward to work. I dare say, I put a lot of pride and efforts into the work there even though the work seems so unimportant and useless to my future career.

But now? The pride and effort seems lesser. I don't know why. The work now is pretty helpful maybe crucial to my future career. But my heart doesn't seems to be around at most times. Why? The difference is noticable. I wasn't this careless at work. Somehow, I kept making careless mistakes. It shouldn't be happening. I'm so disappointed in myself...

*~*My Angels & Fairy Elves.Please Help me find my cheerfulness (Happiness?) once again*~*

First day of Referee Course and the rest of the day

2007-05-28T02:15:00.000+08:00

First day of course, late... So embarassing. Not my fault ok? I was on time... Anyway, lucky for us, we weren't the lastest ones. Gotta be more punctual next lesson.

Started off with tons of theories, rules and regulations. Enough for us to study through the week. The second half of the lesson was practical stuff. There are handsigns and korean commands to pick up. We had to learn when to use the handsigns and commands. We made mistakes like facing wrong directions, wrong commands and the suddenly-don't-know-what-to-do reactions. So messy. Better to make mistakes in class and learn than to make them on actual tournaments.
Near the end of class, we were taught the correct pronounciation of the koreans commands and terms we will be using. Made us tongue-tied. :p Interesting though. New language learnt. We will e having theory and practical exam at end of course. I'm so nervous about it. What if I panic and make mistakes? The 'best' part is that after the test, we all will have to referee a real tournament due in late June. OMG!!! Then, we can pass and considered to be a qualified referee and will get our certificates. I'm scared.. :p No confidence...

Class ended around 3.30pm. Had some time to spare before the evening class. Went to Snake's house to play mahjong only to find his parents and siblings playing. All took a short nap and took over the mahjong game later in the evening. Went to class and had plenty of sparring going on. I didn't join in the sparring. Was helping to guide the kids and the two kids going for tournament in June. Maybe next lesson then I'll join the sparring? Haven't been doign sparring for ages. Rusty like nail.

2.30am: I'm still not asleep. Hair's still damp. Getting heavy eyes... *Yawnz* (~.-)

Reckless Train operator!

2007-05-26T15:39:00.000+08:00

Mao and I were waiting for train back home at Bishan yesterday. The train arrived with quite a crowd in it. The door opened and people alighted. We stood at the side of the door to let the people alight first. The "door closing alarm sounded" and people are still pouring out of the train slowly ignoring the alarm. Suddenly, the doors closed. One girl was halfway out of the door. She was almost clamped by the doors. Luckyily, she managed to pull herself back into the train. I was quite shocked. There are still people coming out of the train, and people like me still waiting to go into the train. Do these people who had alighted had to stroll to the escalator? If they have walk a bit faster, maybe the girl can have gotten off the train in time. (But then, I'll still miss the train) How can the doors just closed like that and drove off? I was still standing near the train. Can the train operator make an effort to check if the doors are clear before he closed and drove off? What if the girl was clamped by the door? Wouldn't she be drag all the way through? What if someone bumped into me and I bumped against the train side? Wouldn't I be throw off balance and get hurt by the leaving train?

What the hell is wrong with these people? Accidents don't just happen because God plans them. It's because of reckless and careless people.

Moral of the story? Run out of the train when it's your stop just in case the doors close. If your couldn't get out becasue of this same similar situation? Go to the first cabin and visit the train operator. I'm sure he/she will be 'very pleased' to hear your feedbacks.

Freaking train operator.. Made me wait for next train... Bloody waste my time.. Makes my blood boils...

Who is strolling down the aisle?

2007-05-24T19:51:00.000+08:00

No. Not me. Not yet. I'm more like strolling around the aisle, not down the aisle. As I was browsing through my friends' photos in Friendster. I realised, "Married" is popping up more and fast. Sometime ago, I'll dream of my own big day. Sometime later. No more dreaming of that.

It will just be studies, work and life. no. No relationships. There should be not room for them.

Anyway, let's ditch that topic. It's not related to me and my life now.

Actually, I rarely club. It's like a luxurious activity for me. Wasteful Maybe because I was just a poor student and had no close friends to club with. The day I changed to this job was also the day I changed the way of living life. It's seems so different. There's more afterwork activities, more weekend funs, gatherings, clubbings, etc.
So different now. I'm glad for the change. It's for the better not the worst.

Suddenly, mood swing kicks in...

(-,~)

Close the Pandora's box please

2007-05-15T00:33:00.000+08:00

~*~ Guys must have flee out from Pandora's box with the evils. Nothing but trouble. Ha. ~*~

Pandora's box. Legend said it contains all the evils of mankind. Pandora was created to punish mankind. She, out of curiosity, opened the box, releasing all the evils. Realising what she has done, she closed the box. Something precious didn't manage to get out in time. Hope. Hope should have come out along.

People had to held onto Hope, for miracles, for health, for wealth and for many other things.

Hope is very precious. Without Hope, there is no life. Well, for myself. I felt that way. Hopes for a better future, better life, better world and better everything else. People shoudl try to keep positive.

I sneaked into Pandora's house and spoke to Hope. Hope says she's trying to sneak out. Today, she told me she should be able to sneak out in July. I'm estatic!

Hope is coming in July! I'm so looking forward to July. Yeah~

Hmm... About the starting sentence... Why are guys troublesome? Wasn't it always the girls who are troublesome? We are. But guys are too. Especially nowadays. Guys are becoming fussy, fickle-minded, ungentle, insensitive and lots more. 10months of living in the singlehood kingdom. Feels good. A mild yearning for affections and care. But I'm not leaving this pretty little kingdom. Just not yet. There's no nice male elf around. So I'm not leaving yet.

Anyway, dumping that troublesome topic. It's bedtime...

Time to sleep I guess...

Girls and their accessories

2007-05-12T13:38:00.000+08:00

An afternoon of 'modelling' at home, I understand why girls always need to have tons of shoes and clothes. Everything have to have something matching, compatible. A top to match the bottom, a dress to match the shoes, earrings to match the bag, etc...

Why do girls like to dress up so much? I have no idea. Hmm... But I do know that it feels good to be pretty. When people start admiring you the self confidence goes up. Eh.. But not those dirty old men who stared and mentally undressing you. Sick freaks.

It's easy to earn a girl's $. There's never too many shoes, clothes and accessories. The more the merrier. Guys don't complain. You like to see pretty things don't you? Everyone loves to see pretty things. Who would wanna see ugly things? Maybe sick freaks...

~My objective for my short trip in July will be buy as much as possible with minimum $ spent. As always.~

5th May 2007 - The gathering with 'hidden' agenda.

2007-05-07T00:16:00.000+08:00

The gathering almost didn't happen. Why? Well, apparently there were quite a lot of aeroplanes flying past on that day. I thought my birthday is coming. Don't get it? My birthday falls on a day where planes will streak the skies. Anyway, luckily, things turn out ok. The gathering survived. I was so worried that everyone wouldn't have fun. I guessed I overly worried. Everyone seems to have their share of fun.

Singing at KTV was a different experience this time round. Usually, it would be just Chinese and Cantonese songs, maybe a little bit of English. This time we have lots of English, Chinese, Japanese, a little bit of Korean(well, someone did try) and little bit of Cantonese(I tried). It was fun though. But then I don't know it is the atmosphere or the mood of the songs. People start to get bored/tired/restless. Luckily, it's just a part of the itinerary for the day.
Dinner happened quickly. Everyone were hungry. Ate cheerfully.

After dinner, we went to Marina Sq. I thought we would be having desserts and coffee somewhere there. There was a change of plan. We brought the Birthday Boy to buy a birthday cake of his choice. We went over to Bullpen where everyone gathered. Birthday cake, Birthday Song, Birthday boy. I'm sure he's pretty happy. He said he haven't been celebrating birthdays for quite a while. It's good to know someone is happy and appreciated efforts put into making things happen.

Talking about being appreciated for efforts. It's upsetting. Someone else actually initiated the gathering and somehow I took on the role of the organiser. Which is fine with me because I do like to gather people and organise gatherings. I love gatherings. So, efforts was put into planning the day, time, venue, activities and people to gather. I can't say it's a major gathering or what. Just that, I took time to think and organise so that the people I intend to gather can all make it. Somehow, along the way, some people just disappeared. Promised made but not kept. Cuteger was upset about it and almost didn't wanna come too. Luckily, for me, she kept her promise. I'm so glad she came. Really my friend who appreciates my efforts and kept promises. The guys were all sporty. I'm glad I didn't cancel the gathering.

I'll do more gatherings still despite having fear that things don't turn out the way I planned. I'll just be more careful about who to gather along. Cuteger, Mr Exotic, Mr Potter, Mr Sporty and Mr Stylist, Mr 'Beng' are definitely on my list. Bunch of nice people to hangout with.
Yeah~

Looking back, life is so different now. Things are falling in place neatly. Working a more decently paid and good experience gained job, completing and starting on new course of study, decent social life, fair amount of Taekwondo. I guessed life has never been so proper and fulfilling. One of the best parts is, I made some great friends along the way.
Cuterger: Known her for a year more and counting. Pretty, smart, adorable ger. A frend, a sister, a colleauge.
Mr Stylist: Hmm... Know him for a year or so and counting. Clicked right away easily. I guessed probably there wasn't any age gap. He's just a day older than me. Like Cuteger, he's a frend, a 'sister'(because of some incident, Cuterger called him 'Jie'. No, he's not a gay.). The days working together... It's a memory to be kept.
Well, for Mr Potter and Mr Exotic I didn't really get to know them more until recently. They are both great people to be with. It's the same for Mr 'Beng' and Mr Sporty.

It's gonna be a wonderful year, well, half year I guessed. It's almost mid-year now.
WOW! Look at the time! Time to sleep!

~*~God, Give me a Reason to wake up every day.~*~

A night of Alcohol and Songs

2007-04-28T14:28:00.000+08:00

Actually wanted to blog a bit last night. Apparently, the alcohol hit me down. So I dozed off...

It was a friend's birthday party last night. It's held at a ktv pub. Plenty of songs and alcohol are expected. True enough. The birthday girl got a drop too much because everyone wants to toast to her( sound nice, actually, everyone is trying to make her drunk). It's like a culture to make the birthday person drunk. Why is that so? Hmm.. No idea.

Alcohol once a while is ok. Too much, it will make you sick. The same night, dizziness, puking. the moment you try to close your eyes and sleep, the head started spinning around like a merry-go-round out of control. Especially the next day morning. The hangovers can kill. Horrible feeling. Think about your liver that's suffering.

The after-effects of alcohol are so horrible. Why do we still drink? I believe it's because everyone seems to have this mindset that says, "I'm not so unlucky. It would happen to me. I'm only drink a little." Seems like we always wanna think thigns will never happen on us, until it smack hard into our faces. By then, it could already too late.

Drink in moderation. Easier say than done. Takes self-discipline to control ourselves. Lots of it.

Drinking drowns sorrows. Doubt so. The more you drink, the sadder you are. People just like to drown themselves in something. Please don't go drown yourself in the river, seas..etc Pollution.

"I realised that Mushroom cheese prata with curry+Super Sweet Teh Tarik+Bit of frozen Durian cake, topped up with Tiger Beer=A lousy combination to stomach in."

At this very moment... ...

2007-04-27T01:23:00.000+08:00

I feel like crying. I really do... The tear ducts are stuck, or something. I felt a dull ache within my chest and deep in my heart. It's horrible to feel this way. I need to get it all out.

What is causing all these? Work? Ya, work. I'm not doing as well as I thought I should or I could. It's disappointing and demoralising. It's almost a month now. Whay are I still stumbling around? Where's my alertness? I seems to have lost my eye for details. Where are all the carefulness, efficency? Are they all left behind somewhere?

It's getting tiring. Friends said," Take it slow. Don't worry." It's not about the speed. It's just me and myself. I get very upset with myself when I'm not able to get things done well. My mind don't seems to be functioning that well. What happened? What happened?

I'm not working smart enough. I realised I kept saying that I can't do this, I can't do that. I don't believe in myself enough. If I don't believe in myself, then who will? Seriously in need of a change in mindset.

"Hold on tight. I'll pull through...I will... I must... I can..."

"Relationships are tougher than Maths", I say.

2007-04-25T00:52:00.000+08:00

Maths. I dislike maths. I found it tedious. However, something else came along. Relationships. Man... It's even tougher than Maths. The whatever concepts, theories, methology of relationships, are so hard to grasp. Given a choice, I'll rather do Maths. At least Maths will have solutions to solve the problems. Relationships' solutions are usually not good enough.

"What is yours, will be yours. What will come, will come"

Was chatting with a girlfriend. Talking about giving each other space in relationship. For me, space is definitely important. Now, single, I have all the space I want, and sometimes, the space gets too empty. What will you do, when it gets empty? Friends will fill up the emptiness, but then it's not all the time. The feeling is different. Ultimately, it's what you actually wants at that point of time. Gotta compromise and make commitments and sacrifices. No escape. Weighing out the pros and cons of relationships. Back in school, teacher taught me that if you are unable to decide on something, can try out this method. List out the good and bad of each matter/thing, etc. Choose the one with the most goods. Does it usually works? I'm not too sure either. Didn't really try out...

Whatever the case, there's more than just relationships out in this world. There's so much to do. I guess, take life with a pinch of salt. Things might just fall into place neatly... Someday.. I hope.

"What is not yours, will never be yours" What doesn't meant to come, will never come"

(Idea of this blog came from cuteger. It hits the hearts of many.)

A Great night of Chatters & Laughters

2007-04-22T07:25:00.000+08:00

It's the break of the dawn when I got home. The sky is bluish+greenish+yellowish+pinkish. It's a gorgeous mixture of colours. As I'm in no hurry to go anyway, I took my time to admire the sky, the people around. Aunties with disapproving eyes started at me in the train. Old folks jogging in the fresh aired park.

Now, with sleepy eyes and groggy brain, I attempted to recounted the great night I had with 2great friends. I could have wait till when I have enough sleep. But the words of thoughts are racing around in my brain like the cars that raced across Orchard Road after midnite.

We had yummy dinner to begin. A hungry person is an angry person. Since we are well-fed, our moods+temper are in excellent conditions.We attempted to catch a movie but there's none that interested us. Plan B: Play pool. Disappointing. No tables. Plan C: Chitchatting over after-dinner drinks. Done. Had great conversation. So, fun. Mr Exotic taught CuteGer how to play this dots & lines game. Quite interetesing. As the cafe is closing, we moved our chatters to Macdonalds. More fun & interesting chatters. Shared thoughts and experiences.
We all get to know each other more.

Mr Exotic was kinda distracted by the racing cars. So, we all went to watched the cars raced by. Apparently, there's no traffic police to chase after them. Hmm... Cool.

We decided to go home. So Mr Exotic left on his bike.

CuteGer and I carried on chatting. Hardly talk so much. This was such a good opportunity to catch up more while waiting for the morning train service.
Pereverts were everywhere. First there's old uncles staring as if we are there to sell ourselves. So, late already. Old uncles should be in bed. Then there's a bunch of crappy people of a particular race. Disturbing us, making rude comments. So irritating.Suddenly, there's this man from a foreign nationality. He was, well.... touching his manhood when he saw us. He started wanking a little, walking past us. So disgusting. I thought if he were to come over, I'll kick his bits and make sure he run all the way down Orchard Road without looking back. Gross! If My Exotic was around, guessed he might just tell him off.
(Unable to contiune anymore)

I realized my blog is mostly about negative thoughts.
But nowdays, it's turning into the arms of positivity.
Is that good or bad?

(ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ, tat will be it for now. Will update when I wake up later.

Sweet Dreams for now...(7.53am)

(11pm) Home from class, sweaty. Feels good to sweat it out. Time to post this entry.

WEEEE~~~~~

Rise & shine?

2007-04-21T10:58:00.000+08:00

It's morning. Well, gonna be noon soon actually. I'm such a blur sotong. I was waken up by my alarm at 7am and I thought I'm gonna be late for work. Unsure about what day is today, I checked my calendar. Saturday, it says. What a relief. So, I dropped back into dreamland.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......

Here I am. Freshly out of sofa. Ya, sofa. I didn't sleep on my bed because I fell aslp reading and watchinv tv, as usual. Haven't been dreaming much lately. Sometimes it's good to dream, especially if it's a good one. I can relive it again and again in my mind. But horrible ones make me very tired when I wake up to a brand new day. I felt like I didn't even really sleep. Some of the horrible ones kept harassing my mind. It's so disturbing. And the worst part, the memory is so vivid. It seems like it had happened, or it's really gonna happen. No! They better not be. Because, it's always about dathe of someone who means a lot to me. That mustn't happen... No. Not that way.

Oh. Things are going way too negative. Mr Exotic will says,"Be more positive".
Dman.. I haven't been able to get him a nickname like Mr Alien. So that will have to do for now.
Gotta consult my "C&M CEO". (:p)

Oh! I know what positive stuff I can talk about. "C&M" What is all about? Well, the full name is "C&M Events Management". Actually, it's not a really company. Just a make-believe one. I believe this started last year December, because of X'mas. C is someone's name. M is someone's name too. So C & M decide to do some gift exhange thing for X'mas. So this make-believe" company is born. Who is this "C" & who is this "M"? Nope. I'm not telling. If you know, you'll know. If you don't, then you don't. :p

So what is C&M up to lately? Poor C&M almost split because they are separated. So sad. Luckily. The bonds held them together. Built a committee. In the process of starting a new event. Hopefully, a successful one. Maybe inject a little bit of surprise. Let's see what the committee will say. However, "M" is always missing out on the events which is quite disappointing. "M" should join in the fun more. "C" will be very happy.

Is "C&M" girls? Yup! They are 2 girls who met at work and are gel togetehr eversince. Thanks to fate. They weren't real colleagues in the first place. Then they became real colleagues. Thanks to fate again. They weren't real colleagues once again. Now, separated far apart. Lucky for them, there's technology: Email and phone.
People should be thankful to these 2 technologies.

WOW~ Long long story.
Hey Mr Exotic~ Is this positive enough? :p
*giggle*

So looking forward to meeting up with the rest of them. It's alwasy so fun to be with them. In the past, I never had friends so close to hang out with. Now I do. And I'm enjoying very moments of it. 'Quote Macdonald's "I'm Lov'in it".'

So, work. Neh.. Not talking about work today. It's a Saturday. What's the plan? No idea yet. Will find one somehow. Staying home to read books isn't that bad too. A friend is coming back from Taiwan. Yummy Sun biscuits~~
Alrite. That's it for now. Back to my book and magazines. They'll gonna grow mouldy n dusty if I don't read them.

When is the bell gonna ring?

2007-04-19T23:29:00.000+08:00

Such a lame topic? No. The bell refers to school bell. Why school bell? Because I wish to go back to school and study again. Of course, there's no way to turn back the time and go back to past. Well, I still can go to school. Higher education. Both ideas sound good. But I was convinced by my mentor that 'A' will be better choice. The next intake was said to be in May. I have to hurry. There isn't much time to lose. I can't wait I guess.
Hurry~ Go back to school. Get the Cert and I'll be on my way soon~ Hurry~

(Change of topic)
New Title: A good meal = Yummy food and great meal buddies.
I had yummy food this whole week. Yummy food accompanied by great pals. Heavenly~
I used to not like raw salmon. I find it weird. Neither do I eat wasabi. Suddenly, no idea when, why and how. I started craving for raw salmon. Now, I have salmon-eating buddies too. It's so fun~
Talking about buddies. Haven't seen my dear lunch club members for quite a while. So sad. I miss them lots. We'll gonna have a great gathering soon I believe. It's in the process of planning and organising now. Who to invite along, where to go, what to do...etc
I'm sure it's gonna be fun. I'll make sure I'll take lots of photos. I love taking photos. For memory. So when I grow old, I can look back at the photos and remind myself, I had my fair share of fun. If I will to die then, I can die peacefully. (Touch Wood!!!)
I'm so in love with my dear lunch club members. All of them are so adorably, lovable. :p
They will be happy if they see what I said about them.
Someone said I shouldn't be talking about work. So... I'll still talk about work. :p It's my blog. I say what I want (caerfully of course. I'm a low risk taker).
Work's getting, well, I don't know. Bit by bit I guess. I wish I can pick up faster. My brain don't seems to be working as well as before. Lack of concentration? Too much thoughts? I better get myself into shape fast. Gotta fit in and do well. I'm a perfectionist (Maybe? Should be?) I get very upset if I can't get things done up to my expectations. I tend to set my expectations too high to reach I believe, resulting in big disappointments. Should take it easy.

Geez... Loook at the time now. Bedtime? Hear my bed calling? Oops! Kinda deaf now. :p Maybe later.. Maybe... In dreamland. A perfect world cooked up to my expectations.
My Perfect World. Just mine...

The world is round?

2007-04-17T00:48:00.000+08:00

Isn't it strange that sometimes when you thought all will be gone and suddenly, they come back once again?
Be it people, objects, incidents..etc
I thought I lost it. But there it is. Just round the corner, waiting for me.
Is the world really round? What goes around, comes around?

What would it be like to be able to travel around the world? It definately would be an eye-opening experience. Lots of people have the same dream. But how many can actually pursue that dream? Even with the technology now, it wouldn't be enough compared to seeing stuff with your own eyes and experience the experiences. It would be tough I believe. Gotta be adventurous, street-smart and resourceful. Who's gonna fuel your dream other than yourself?
Striking lottery? Isn't that simple, right?

In this world of uncertainty, one doesn't know what will happen the next second. One might just passed on in the sleep, on the way to work, while eating..etc
If I have to go, I wanna go knowing I have done what I want to do. Go in peace. Right, it's getting creepy talking about passing on. Just have to be prepared. There's so much to do but so little resources.
One step at a time? Have to try. Trying, but maybe not hard and smart enough. It wouldn't be too late, I hope.

Oops! I heard my bed calling me. Time for a trip to dreamland. Good night...

Time always manages to slip away

2007-04-14T10:38:00.000+08:00

Time is always so sliipery. No one ever can catch hold of it. A week has passed. By time I realised, it's already Saturday.

I have things that I always wanna do, but I can't. I'm sure it's
not just me. Hmm.. What are the things I wanna do, that I cannot do? Let's see...
-Perform on Esplanade Theatre (no way I can do that, unless I'm super rich. I can book the theatre for a night and dance on it myself. But that wouldn't be the same.)
-To be able to go overseas for holiday as and when I like ( No resources to do this either. Hopefully, in near future, I can do that. I'm such a country pumpkin. When was the last time I step out of S'pore? Some many donkey years ago... It's saddening. I couldn't see the world personally. Everyone is going holidays here and there. I'm forever stuck here.)

So far, these 2 are the things that have been swimming around in my mind for god-knows-how-long. Maybe someday, I'll be able to do just one of them.

I wanna see the Northern Lights. I wanna see more snow. I wanna see the mountains and valleys, the lakes and oceans. I wanan see the streets and roads. Of everyone other countries.

~To travel a thousand miles is better than reading a thousand books~

It's a Saturday. Supposed to be a fun day? The rain came and spoil mood of the beach and pool goers. Lucky for me. Ill hide indoors. I can feel a storm is coming. I love the wind. The rain beating on the face. Feel so refreshing.

My new book. Finally, my fave author released another new book of my fave series. I wished there's more than 1. I can get so engrossed that I can actually imagine the scenes vividly.
It's like a watching a live show in your mind. Beautiful.

Time to get back to my book.

It is what it is...

2007-04-10T20:31:00.000+08:00

I don't know why the title. It just slipped into my mind silently and slided down onto my fingers and into the title bar.

Birdie flew away already I think... There haven't been chance to chirp together. Someone says, It's ok. Don't just hang onto a single Birdie. There's more and maybe even prettier...
It's tiring. Like in cartoon, when the character is dizzy, there's always little birdies flying around.

Work had been ok so far. Starting to have work to do. I'm glad. Bit nervous and worried. My brain is not that alert like before. Tired maybe. Distracted, I hope not.

We'll see.

I need new things to do to divert attention and spread the restlessness.
Studies. I need to study, more importantly, it's for a better future.

The new phase in life

2007-04-08T13:35:00.000+08:00

Stepping into the new phase.
Someone commented, I looked more refreshed eversince I stepped into this new phase.
Really? I have much to learn. My supervisor said, I'm a fresh piece of paper. Very good to write on. I hope I can learn fast enough and do well just like how I did well in the previous environment.

A new phase in career.
What about relationship? Is it time for a new phase too? I'm not sure.
Hesistance. What am I waiting for? What am I worried of? What am I fearing?
I don't know...Mayve I just wanna run away. I don't wanna answer.
Sometimes, answers hurt.

*~*One day, He will grow wings. Fly off and maybe never gonna come back...*~*

The path to a new phase

2007-03-31T13:59:00.000+08:00

24th Mar
I sent out my resume to a company that my friend had refer me to.

26th Mar
Finally back to work from a long leave. Work was in a mess. Pissed me off. Whate have these people been doing all these while? THis is simply crazy. Driving me up the walls. So much wanna leave. But suddenly, this phonecall came. The phonecall that changes my life.

27th Mar
I responded to the and ran away from work to this company in raffles place.
Pass the interview I guessed. So nervous and worried. I have to make a decision fast fast.
I seeked help from experts to make sure, everything will be alrite.

28th Mar
First thing in the morning, I submitted my resignation letter with only 3days notice.
Not possible. Nope. There's no wrong calculation, breach, whatever... The lousy people came down to talk to me basically wasting my time. I came prepared. I found myself more confident when dealign with their lame and unprepared questions. No choice. They have to let me go. Their own mistakes, inefficency and the habit of taking things and people for granted. I actually finally got to tell off my lousy supervisor. I make my superiors speechless.
I have officially resigned on this very day.

29th Mar
Hurrying and hurrying to do a handover as good as I can. Hurrying and hurrying to have a farewell lunch with as many of my dear colleauges as I can.
Whole day hurrying and hurrying...

30th Mar
The final day has come.
Hurrying and hurrying.
I told off that lousy supervisor consecutively for 3days. Itchy ass.
Rushing to go over as much stuff as I can with the new guy.
But I can tell, it's no use. There's too much. The poor guy cannot handle. I believe he's gonna take months to really settle down. I have to say, he's not good enough. Not that I wanna say I am the best. But it's because, the operation systems had been done up by me, smoothen by me. Nobody other than me can do a better job unless trained by me for a sufficent time period.
I don't even have time to bid a proper farewell with my colleauges. I bought a nice brownie cake. I have to get someone to cut for me. I literally run about the office to distribute the cake and bid a hasty good bye.
I'm very upset about it.
There's so many things to do and so little time left.
But, it's all over now.
It's all over now.

31st Mar
Here I am, reflecting on the past week events.
It all happened in a flash.
I know I grab the opportunity and my dear friends are very supportive of my decision.
Thank you all.
Thanks for being my friend.
I'm glad I could be there and work with everyone of you(not the old employer, it's the clients).
It had been a wonderful and memorable experience.
Sorry, I have to go. But I'm heading to a new phase of life.
Thank you for all the blessings.

Thank you.

We'll meet up soon wouldn't we?

*hug*
Take care all.

Bye for now...

Reluctance...

2007-03-04T13:19:00.000+08:00

The day is coming soon. No matter how reluctant I am, I have to make a choice. To stay or not to stay.

You guys make it hard for me to leave willingly. I know. When it's time to go, it's time to go.
I made up my mind and I hope to stick to that decision.

If it's good enough to satisfy me, I'll stay.

If the outside is more attractive, I'll go.

Shed a few tears. Say good bye and we'll meet up again other day.
It should be this way isn't it?

It's been one full year.
Seen lots of changes here and there.
Heard lots of promises here and there.

How will things go from now?

The day is getting nearer and nearer.
But I feel nowhere near to the future.
It's getting scary.

I feel so weak.
Where have all that strength and courage go?
I'm scared.

You don't understand. Who can I talk to?
Just talking aimlessly to the cyberspace.
That's just it isn't it?

Action do speaks louder than words.
What kind of actions to take now?

I'm just sitting back and wait.
Was told there's 2 types of people: 1st kind wait for things to happen, 2nd kind make things happen. I belongs to the 1st kind.
Yes, I do have a choice. To make things happen. I have no confidence.
I just don't dare to...
Just don't dare to.
I don't dare to...

People are born to make choices and decisions.
I hate to do both...
:(

Ramblings of a conceited and Superiority Complex Being, Mr. Alien

2007-02-17T17:24:00.000+08:00

Night Elf says:tell me...

Night Elf says:how do i actually am protraying myslf?

Alien says:how blunt do you want me to be

Alien says:?

Night Elf says:AS BLUNT AS CAN BE

Alien says:You have no direction in life

Alien says:you live day by day, looking forward to going to class (which is a good thing, but sometimes for the wrong reasons)

Alien says:You're loyal to your TKD group/students (which is good, i guess)

Alien says:but you're more concerned about dancers not doing enough en pointes than finding a proper job

Alien says:you take pride in your job (which i admire greatly), but i think you can do better

Alien says:little things get you down

Alien says:you need to prioritize your life, deal with shit and pick yourself up when you're done

Alien says:no one's going to baby you forever

Alien says:i think a little more ambition would be good for you

Alien says:you could go a long way

Alien says:i think you're pretty capable, if you put your mind to it

Alien says:that's why i think the site supervisory job is good for you

Alien says:it might not be what you want, but it'll give you experience as a team leader

Alien says:you know your supervisor sucks.

Alien says:so be the good supervisor, inspire your team

Alien says:this role should also help you build up more character

Alien says:you'll probably be backstabbed up the wazoo

Alien says:ok done

Night Elf says:so long ah?

Alien says:probably still got sommore

Alien says:but can't think of it offhand

Night Elf says:I have no direction in life because I often stood at a cross junction and have no idea where to head towards.

Alien says:you don't have to justify anything

Alien says:that's just how i see you

Night Elf says:i do live day by day, bcoz i dare not plan too far ahead coz if thigns dun go as planned i'll be very disappointed.

Alien says:things will always go wrong! but that's not the point of the plan

Alien says:but you're more concerned about dancers not doing enough en pointes than finding a proper job----> no link lor...

Alien says:plan is to give you direction, you just have to have enough character to fix the problems and/or change the plan!

Alien says:what do you mean by no point?

Alien says:of course there's a point

Alien says:it makes you look flakey/ditsy

Alien says:like this person has nothing else better to do with his/her time

Alien says:there are better things to occupy your time/mind with

Night Elf says:HAIZ..

Night Elf says:anyway, B's character is far more stronger than I am.. she more suitable to be site supervisor

Alien says:yes she is

Alien says:but that's not the point, is it?

Alien says:you can be born strong...or you can learn to be

Alien says:you're given the opportunity to learn. why dont you want it?

Night Elf says:i din say i dun wan it.

Night Elf says:things haven't been finalise yet

Alien says:you seem reluctant

Alien says:that tells me you don't want it

Night Elf says:i am hesitating.

Night Elf says:other factors to consider too.

Alien says:i'm sure

Night Elf says:THANK U.

Alien says:for?

Night Elf says:THIS WHOLE CONVERSATION..

Alien says:heh

Night Elf says:i post all these in my blog can?

Alien says:that's the other thing i don't get.

Alien says:the need to blog

Night Elf says:write to no one is easier talking to someone..

Night Elf says:a fustrations venting outlet

Alien says:dammit...

Alien says:i'm trying to think of a word

Alien says:but i cna't think of it

Night Elf says:wat word... meaning?

Night Elf says:use to describe wat?

Alien says:myself

Alien says:wanted to put it as a topic for your entry

Night Elf says:lol.

Night Elf says:oh..

Night Elf says:okok.

Alien says:dammit

Night Elf says:dun worry. no names will be mentioned.

Alien says:forgot the word my ex gf said i was

Alien says:no lar

Alien says:it'll be fun

Alien says:ramblings of a conceited and super something person

Alien says:lol

Night Elf says:lol.

Night Elf says:i dun wanna say names in my blog.

Alien says:never say names what

Alien says:so how accurate am i?

Night Elf says:pretty accurate. accurate until i almost turn defensive

Alien says:heh

Night Elf says:yeah~~

All these posted with the permission of Mr Alien.
How more accurate can one be?
That is really me..
Really me?
Really me...

Spare some time for some thoughts

2007-02-11T13:25:00.000+08:00

The nearer CNY is, the less excited I am.

Remember when we were kids, how excited we are about CNY? New clothes, goodies, gambling and of course the highlight of CNY, angbaos.
ALthough now, nothing has change, but as I get older, I felt nothing to be excited about CNY. Just another holiday away from work.
Does everyone feels the same too?

Springcleaning. New stuffs. New hopes.. Everything new. As if really everything new...
It's just the lunar year new. Everything else is the same.

Talking about catching up with friends. These few months, made quite a number of new friends and found long lost friends.
People come and go. People change.
I so miss the times when I was still in school, when I was still a girl waiting tables.
Those moments can only be seen in my dreams and mind.
Some are lost and never to be found again.
Time is so slippery. You cannot never clasp it tight enough.

I know we shouldn't keep looking back. We walk forward not backwards. But can't help it also.
Mind just wandered to the past now and then.

OMG! Am I hearing things? I just heard some one 'psss' behind me. I'm all alone in the room. There's no one outside.
WHO!!???

V-Day is coming too...
My V-Day celebration? OT at work lor.
Other than this, hmm... Oh. I ordered some cheerful pretty mini chocolate cupcakes to be deliver to my office. I'll be giving them to 2o colleauges. :)
Cheery cupcakes.. Yummy.
Some would say, I'm so sweet. Some would say I'm wasting money. Could have put the money to better use.
Don't be jealous ok? It's my money. I spend it the way I like. I earned it myself. I deserve to spend it the way I like. So, don't come and nag at me on how to spend my money.
Alrite, so what if I complain I don't have enough? I'm not borrowing from anyone. At most I work more OT lor. I'm not asking for advice, nto asking for help. All I need is a pair of listening ears.. That's all.

I hate it when people try tells me how to live my life.

I...

2007-02-02T23:31:00.000+08:00

Today at work. I bought a pretty box with 3 pink glass angels in it from Precious Tots. They are too pretty to resist. My colleauge's comment was that, they have no expression. Coz, just the figure only wat. But, they seems to be asking me to buy them which eventually I did. I chose the angels over the fairytale horse carriage which I hope 1 day my Knight will come pick me up with.

I told a colleauge if I put too much deco on my desk, I'll have a hard time bring them home when it's time to leave the place. She said she doesn't want to give me any farewell card. Seriously not.
I'm so touched. I believe, when the time comes to leave, I'll surely cry. Crybaby. Ya, but I seriously can't bear to leave the place. Not because of the physical place itself, it's the people in it.

The bond is there. Been through many months of breakfasts, Monday blues, Weekend happiness, lunches, OT, gossips and chitchats..etc... We came a long long way together.

My contract is ending. I'm hesitating. Renew or not renew? What if the pay is really shit? I have to start all over again if I leave. New place, need to adapt once again... So tiring... So tiring...
Will I lose contact with the people here?
I don't want...

Tears well up in my eyes, swimming swimming...
I can't bear to leave you guys.

Lingering in my mind

2007-01-28T13:33:00.000+08:00

Right now, the desire to dance is so strong, that it occupies every single space in my mind and overwrites the previous command to study for next week test.

What stir awake the desire again?

An invitation to watch a German Ballet troupe performing in S'pore. It stirred the desire once again. That desire was asleep for quite sometime.

I told her that it would be nice to have a ballet buddy to go to class with. Am I be able to join her? I have so much on hands already. I know some things can wait. But I felt an urgency to do all these stuffs at once. It's so overwhelming. I'm taking more than I can handle.

I must be crazy...

1 small step from me, 1 big leap for my future~

2007-01-27T15:14:00.000+08:00

Title sounds like copycat's work. :p

Anyway, I finally made a choice. To make this choice, I have to scarifice certain things, like entertainment expenses(no more shopping and etc...). What did I actually do?

All started because of this module I'm taking now. Banking and Finance. I wanna learn more about investments. How to make the right choice and make $ grow and grow. I'm a low risk taker. Low incomer earner, I can't afford to lose my capital. I don't want to stay this way all my life. I bought a investment link policy. It will helps wouldn't it. Wouldn't go into details. Too early to say. At least I finally took a small step towards my future.

There's more steps to take. But it's still not the right time yet. We'll see.

Looking forward to the future? I hope I really do...

I never regret..

2007-01-13T18:00:00.000+08:00

Results out. Not that bad I guessed. A little blemish to my list of Ds. It wouldn't do much harm right?

Nearing the end of the course. Times flies. It seems just yesterday that I just started this course. Then I get to know these bunch of good classmates through project teaming. And from then on till now, we are still the best team. I never regret coming to this school, taking this course and getting to know this group of people.

Another thing. I don't regret coming to my present company to work. If not I wouldn't be in theis client's office and then get to know my lunch club kakis. With them around lunch and work becomes less sick. :p At least I know when I'm happy or sad, I'll have this bunch of friends there for me. I know they will be. I'm so glad to have met them.

I never regret changing from a night job to a day job. This change gave me a new life, more time. Eeverything becomes more normal. I can study, I can go out with friends after work, my weekends' not burn, I can go for gatherings, dinners, parties, etc. I can do a lot more things.

I never regret ending the last relationship. I have my freedom. I can enjoy my singlehood life just as I like.

I never regret telling someone I like that I like that someone.

I never regret spending most of my pay on X'mas presents. The presents however small, put smiles on the reciepients' faces. I like. I never regret staying up late wrapping the gifts and making cards. I put my efforts and wishes into them to be given to my friends.

I never regret to have jump out of the past and live the present life like I should have done before.

I never regret, I never regret...

The 1st entry of 2007

2007-01-01T13:35:00.000+08:00

Hey hey! It's my 1st entry of this new year.

Everyone loves to ask what's every other ones' new year resolutions. Mine's very simple. My 2007 resolution is no resolution. Over the years, all those made resolutions were not fulfilled. No point making resolutions too. Things kept changing. I'll never be able to catch up. I have my own pace.

Anyway, Its gonna be a great year I hope. Things are gonna be falling in place soon. Life's gonna be better. Bonds are gonna get stronger. All the wonderful things in life are gonna happen.

The last day of 2006 had been great. Was with all my family and relatives. We had a wonderful birthday banquet for our Grandma. We had a wonderful karaoke session at Partyworld.

Took lots of photos. Wonderful memories kept in mind.

It had been a gorgeous 2006.
Looking back, I can tell myself. Well-done. Keep doing better.

Time flies...

2006-12-24T14:37:00.000+08:00

Another week or so, 2007 will be here. Time to start reflecting on what I have done, achieved in 2006.Man, the report card will be scary. Worried that I done nothing good and useful, achieved nothing. :(

I changed job. I made new friends. I've done well for studies. I grew up. I had troubles. I had likes. I have hopes. I get to dream once again. I got sad. I become happy.
Thank you my friends for being here to help me when I fall and be there to share my happiness.

It's being an eventful year. Too much to write. Above is the summary.
Suddenly, no idea what to write. Hmm. I'll go nap.

Merry X'mas~~

~(^^)~

Sequel to "I wrote an email"

2006-12-19T00:43:00.000+08:00

Finally met my boss. No idea whether are things gonna be better. I'm not very optimistic. I tried, but I just can't.

Let me do a thing first.

KNN CCB!!!

(Deep breaths... ...)

Ok. What happened? I've been backstabbed. Why!! Why again!! Why me? What went wrong? What do you want? What do you gained from this?! WHY!!!!????

CCB KNN!!!

I so much wanna scream at you, do you know that?
Two-headed snake office politics player.

You have no idea what I have gone through to come this far. Why are you trying to ruin things for me? What do you stand to gain? What are you trying to prove? You have no idea what you are dealing with.

STOP DREAMING!!!

Enough is enough.
It is really enough... ...

I wrote an email...

2006-12-17T04:54:00.000+08:00

On Friday. I finally burst. Trembling with anger and fustration, I wrote an email. An email that expressed how I feel. Was told by my client's side boss that it could have been better if written more professionally. She explained to me why. I agreed and had understood. But then when I sent out that email, my emotions flooded my brain I couldn't think more. Enough is enough.

Took 1 hit in the morning. The 2nd wave came after lunch. That feeling. I really have no idea how to react. I'm speechless. Tears overflew. Really... Took deep breathes to stay in control. I got work to rush. I cannot afford to sit back and calm down. Cool it girl...

My business consultant called after he read the email. I finally voiced out my fustrations. I knew I shouldn't let my clients know about this. But I'm powerless. I need all the help I can get. Who is really capable of helping me? Who is really sincerely helping me? Who?
He fowarded my email to my two new bosses.

My new Boss, called. He kinda lectured me about sending the email to our clients. Expected it.
He wants to have a talk with me on Monday. Kinda nervous.

Did I do the right thing? Am I in trouble? What do I have to lose anyway? Lose my job? I'll be sad if I have to leave my client's office. It's a nice place to work in because the people there are great. I don't feel bonded with my company. We had lost the connection.

Monday. I hope he will have a solution for me. Something nice for X'mas.

I'm just a drone worker. Don't play politics with me.

I don't voice out doesn't mean you can come push me over.

Let the silver linings shine. For me.. Please... I plead...

5am in the morning...

2006-12-09T05:02:00.000+08:00

Just got home.
Where did I go?
Went to work, went to taekwondo, went to a friend's house.

Went to work of course for work lor.
Went to taekwondo because got class and grading. Cock up a bit. Hopefully, it wouldn't hurt. Sparring hurts a little. But I can take it. Just a few bruises and sore muscle(I think so). I managed to do my flying side and break the board. SO, should be ok ya.
Went to a friend's house for my very first mahjong session. Slow and lousy. But I piad my learning fees. 10bucks. :/ Worth it though. Had fun.

It's time for bed.. I can hear my bed calling me...

Here I come~~~

ZZZzzZZZzZzzzzzzZZzZZ

Recent events

2006-11-30T00:22:00.000+08:00

Other than the usual work, school and Taekwondo, actually there isn't really much.

I missed 'Garden in my heart' and Taekwondo on Friday(24Nov) due to a make-up class for Econs. Haiz...

I attempted flying side kicks again and again. I just can't do it well enough. Grading is on this coming Sunday(3Dec). Haiz...

My Statistics test. I didn't really prepare well enough... So I'll most probably gonna flunk the test. Haiz...

I heard about the packages my company had offered to new employees... Haiz...

Some nice event is coming up. Unbelievable, I've spent quite a bit on it. Haiz...

Some scary soul is back to haunt me. Please. Go away. Just go away. Haiz...

GST is going up, and salary is not. Haiz...

Is there nothing to look forward to happily daily?
The only goal I'm still hanging onto is completing my studies. Been slacking quite a bit. But I'm not too worry. I know when to buck up.

What were the goals I had set before? I have already lost sight of them.

Christmas is coming. But I don't feel the festive mood. Best part is, exams are just right after Christmas. I'm gonna spend my Christmas with my books. How sweet... Haiz...

2006 is ending soon. What have I achieved in this year? Anything meaningful? Memorable?

I just wish 2006 will go away happily and 2007 will come peacefully.

It's a rainy day again...

2006-11-13T22:16:00.000+08:00

Ya, it's a rainy day again. Had a pretty chaotic day. They went on strike on me. Surprising, Delinquent didn't lead the strike. All managed to settle down by 6pm. Was not feeling pretty well.
Good thing is that, there's always something to look forward to almost everyday. Just the words, the sense of presence is enough. Is it really enough? Better not get too close. Too obssessed... Worried. Wondering. What is behind that mind? How to understand it? Is there even a mere chance of getting that close to understanding?
The journey to seek knowledge of understanding... Is so long...

It's a rainy day entry...

2006-11-11T18:56:00.000+08:00

It's been raining the whole day. The air's so cooling. Refreshing. I'm sure the greens are appreciating the rain more than humans do.

Rainy days always bring thoughts. It seems that I always have some thoughts running round in my mind on rainy days. No idea why.

What kind of thoughts? Hmm... People. Past events. Future. Imaginating the impossible. Sweet and bitter.

Pondering over a question now. What am I? Ya, it's what am I, not who am I. Other than human being, what am I? What kind of person am I? I know I don't like to be lonely. I don't like to be left out. I like to be cared for. My horoscope says I'm attention-seeking. Am I? Well, sometimes I do, I guess. Ocassionally, I just wanna be the backdrop. It gets a little embarassing to be on the front sometimes. I cared for friends. I like to do little stuff to make them smile. Sometimes, in the process of it, I'll get myself fustrated and unhappy. When the end product is well-appreciated by them, only then you'll see smile on my face.

Reflecting on the past. I get very disppointed with myself. I'm sure I have disppoint lots more other people like my parents and mentors. It's scary. The little difference in thought and the decision changed my whole life. Often, I'll ask myself. What would I be now if I haven't made those decisions? I believe it might be whole lot better. Basking in the stage lights, and feeling the success by hearing the applauds. That was what started me towards Dance.
I made the choice to drop that. Maybe I'm just too lazy? Maybe Dance wasn't my passion after all? Maybe I don't make the cut? Maybe and maybes...

Now, it's a start, all over again. To start is tough. To re-start is even tougher. Can you imagine how much effort and courage I have to gather to make this re-start? It wasn't easy. Nothing is easy. Lucky for me, although I have 'friends' who pretended they cared and all the while discouraging me, I made some true friends along the way.
You don't know how gladful I am. I don't know how else to let them know other then putting in all my best and making things work for myself.

It gets tiring after a while. They are my motivation. My fuel. The momentum must not stop. Once it stops, it will be hard to get it rolling again.

What about love? Somebody told me Love, Feel are realistic... I felt otherwise. All these dreamy stuff like love, romance, feel, chemistry..etc are all idealistic. Not gonna say they are unrealistic. They are there all the time. It's like a bonus to have them. Well, at least I feel so.
I do believe in one thing, chemistry. For me, no chemistry, no love. Akalline and akalline.. Not much of a reaction do they? Acid and akalline, gives you water and a salt. That's why they say opposite attracts.
Relationships are not that important now... When I was younger, I feel I need a relationship. Not that I don't want one now. Back then was more like a need. :p
Now, it's more like a want. I will survive without or without one.
Nowadays, guys are so hard to understand. Seems to be playing mind games like girls used to do. Bad karma.
It's like not here, not there. Then where? Where?

Study study study... Don't think so much... What is mine is mine. What will come will come.

Unreasonable act

2006-11-11T02:08:00.000+08:00

Ya, another day has gone by. Time really flies.

Today, was in the bus to class. Woah! There's this little incident. The bus driver jammed his brakes, and a poor lady tried to balance herself thus accidentally step on this old man's foot.

AI YO~~~~~

I thought what...

The lady apologized. But what did the old man says? He said there's no use saying sorry. Already stepped on his foot, no point saying sorry... He told the lady she should step on his foot harder so that it breaks. He says, go kill someone and says sorry later. No use right?

I feel he's being unreasonable. Old man can get pretty cranky. There's more to come. He wouldn't let the lady off. He kept repeating the same stuff adding in hokkien vuglarities. He even said, the poor parents bore this daughter no use one. The CCB... Very pain... And more CCB.

So unresonable. Don't have to drag her parents in right? And in the public, threw vuglarities at a poor lady who already apologized. I'm so tempted to pat her hand and give an understanding look. Tempted to tell the old man off. Best part, her boyfriend was just standing there like a woodblock.. All the while keeping quiet.. OMG... How can this be?

I believe they got off earlier than they should so that they can get away from that cranky old man. The poor lady was almost crying. Poor thing...

Anyone witnessing this unreasonable will most probably felt like I did. Pity the poor lady. It's just a minor accident. Don't have to say until as if she kills his whole family. Swearing at a poor lady in public.. Gross...

Should I be in the lady's shoes, I might just oblige to his request of breaking his toes... Idiot.
Respect elders mah. So respect his request lor. Lame right? Ya, I know.

I definately will tell him off.

Better not see this cranky mad man again... Gross...

What a day...

2006-10-14T04:27:00.000+08:00

I managed to wake up on time to arrive at work almost on time. Had such a busy day ahead. My crappy OE called which I decided not to answer. So busy and he's always so naggy, so crappy. Anyway, he called during lunch. So I'm not interested to answer. He always think he don't need lunch other people also don't eat lunch. He lectured me for not answering his call and replying his sms... Crap lor! Is the company paying my bills? NO!. Is it stated in the agreement that I am obliged to answer all calls from the company at all times? NO! So don't come and lecture crap to me you idiot! He wanted to pass me some stuff which he can leave at the reception counter so that I can pick it up later.Never for once did I say it's urgent. So why you so ganjong? He actually attention the stuff meant for me to my another colleauge.. Crap right? When I ask why did he attention to him, he told me this
"You never answer my calls. Seriously, I don't know if you are still alive or not!"
Upon hearing this, my vocabulary of vulgarites wanna spill out. Can I do it here? Of course. It's my blog isn't it? So, NBCB!!!!! Hey you think who you are? My parents don't even lecture me like that? What rights do you have to curse me like that! CCB!!!!! LJ bastard!!!! You really think you act fierce and come lecture me I will be scared meh? I'm not gonna apologize. NEVER! You haven't die, I where can die before you? BASTARD!!!! DOn't come and show off your lame crappy attitude. OE so what? Got degree so what? Plenty of degree-holders on the street lor. Yours ancient liao lor. NB! CCB!
!@#$%^&*()@#$%^&*()@!#$%^&*()_!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()~!@#$%^&*()_~!@#$%^&*()_+}!@#$%^&*(@#$%^&*(~!@#$%^&*()!@#$%^-

Smelly day

2006-10-12T19:41:00.000+08:00

Ya, it's a smelly day for me. Yucks. Some smelling people in the train with the wind blowing in my direction. Faint!

It's her last day.

2006-10-11T00:14:00.000+08:00

Yes, it's her last day. Who is 'her'? She's a colleauge. When I first started work in this bank, we were both new. Unfamiliar place brought us together and we became friends. The friendship grew and the group expanded. We are called the lunch club. We had lunches and fun together.

Last night, we went to Kbox for a bit of gathering. It was fun. We had nice food and sang songs. But good times always have to come to an end. It's saddening. Time really flies. In a blink of an eye, 7 months flew by. What will the office be like without her? Quieter? Boring? Serious? I guess so. Hope the remaining lunch will not disperse.

Let me describe 'her'. She is a bubbly, chatty and intelligent girl. Outgoing and has a sunshine laughter. She has her downside too. But we all got along well. Which is why we are gonna miss her lots. With the advanced technology, moblie, msn, and others forums are good ways to keep in touch.

Yesterday, I did a little test asking me to name a friend to the colour listed. I saw green and I remembered her. It's her fave color.. The test says, the person i associated to green to is a person I will remember for the rest of my life.. Woah~ You bet I will. In spite of her fiery temper at times, We all felt she is great to be with.

I wish her all the best in life. I hope God had planned out a beautiful journey for her. One that is filled with hopes, happiness, opportunities and of course, true friends-like us...

Bye~ *hug*